We got back from vacation last Sunday so that meant all sorts of pain and suffering for Mommy this week! It happens every year and always ends the same. By Friday, Mommy most definitely needs a vacation, but she NEVER EVER wants to get in the car with children again. The only sensible option is to put the TV on for the kids and then hide under the covers while cradling a giant bag of candy in your arms and whisper sweet nothings to it until it's all gone. (and you have licked all the chocolate dust in the corners)
In case you don't have kids or you have older children and have completely blocked all this out, let me explain what vacations means for kids:
ALL THE FUN ALL THE TIME
Bedtime.. What's that?
Mom and Dad 24/7 for entertainment and if you are lucky enough grandparents, aunts, uncles, and/or cousins
Rules about sugar and treats... vaguely remember those
Adventures galore
Sleep is for the weak!Just GO! GO! GO!
And now for the Apocalypse:
NOTHING MEETS THE NEW STANDARDS SET FOR FUN
Exhaustion because they used up their last little bit of energy asking "are we home yet? and saying "It's taking a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time" 1,463 times each
Massive sugar withdraw because when the healthy snacks (used to prevent all the asking) ran out, we resorted to gummy sharks to keep their mouths busy and quiet
The dream team of entertainers has be disbanded and only left with lame old Mom who has the nerve to try and accomplish things like put laundry away instead of play 24/7
Bedtime... It's the worst
Daily routine.... Also the worst!
The only solution to the misery that their lives have become is to cry! There are too many examples to count. I'm so tired! I can find the energy to share a few highlights though.
Stephen went back to work which apparently was a real slap in the face for the kids. How dare he return to work!?! Nathan was grumpy as can be and wouldn't say goodbye. Then 30 seconds later, he cried and cried because Daddy left without doing the high five routine. Stephen heard the crying and came back downstairs and Nathan wouldn't make eye contact or move his hand.Eventually, Stephen had to give up and left. This resulted in Nathan running upstairs,watching Stephen pull away, and then throwing himself on the floor crying. Lucky Me!
A few days ago, Nathan got a cut on his big toe. I don't know what exactly happened after because I walked away for a second, but I think there was a great disagreement over who would put the band aid on. Nathan wanted to be independent and Syd wanted to be the loving older sister. Some how the one end of the band got stuck to itself. I came back to screaming and crying. The world had ended and there was no reason to go on! The frustration level was so great that feet were stomping and arms flailing. They ended up a pile of tears and agony on my lap on the floor in the hallway.
And because Mommy is the worst too, we had to go to the grocery store! How dare I suggest such a terrible, terrible thing!?! Ever the clever one, Sydney remembered that I was working that night and came up with a solution.... I could just go to the grocery store after work. I told her I could but that meant that they would have to wait until the next day to drink more milk because we were out. They lost their minds! How does one decide between the two worst possible situations ever???? Did I know what a cruel person I was? Get in the car and go to the grocery store or live the rest of the day with no milk? What kind of options are those? Being the milk addicts that they are, they settled on going to the grocery store.
As the days went on and we included extra down time, life slowly got back to normal. The emotionally unstable little zombies disappeared and my babies were back. Please don't ask me about any future vacations yet, the eye twitch might come back;)
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