Sucks to be me by guest blogger Charlie the Cat

   Hello, my name is Charlie Biscuit ( I know it makes no sense, but that's what happens when a 3 1/2 yr old names you!) I have been trapped here since the summer.  I keep trying to escape and they keep dragging me back.  My life is a nightmare!
    Let's start out with the head of the household, Mr. Spraybottle. Why is it that I am always getting sprayed for doing "bad" things?  I see those monsters of yours on the table way more than I am and yet they remain nice and dry.  Maybe we would get a little more peace and quiet if you sprayed them once and a while. By the way, I applaud your effort on trying to keep me locked up at night but I am an evil genius.

 

     But Mr. Spraybottle is nothing compared to his other half, Frumpy Grump.  Why do you get so mad at me when I come in and wake the kids up? You have no problem with them waking me up.  I am sick and tired of you tossing me off the table when I try to grab a bite to eat.  That food you give me is crap and you know they aren't going to eat anything.  Someone actually appreciates your cooking and you throw them aside. What the heck is wrong with you?  Your love for the Wiggles makes me uncomfortable and when I twitch in my sleep it's because I am having nightmares of you doing the Hot Potato. {cringes}  I think I figured out why the house is so messy.  You know that I was born in a barn, literally surrounded by horse s***, so you were just trying to ease my transition into your home with something familiar. Well, we can stop living in filth! I have adjusted! Please clean! Licking myself  has become a full time job!

    Now for the worst of the worst...... The Smother twins, also known as Big Terror and Little Terror.  ENOUGH WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS! You say you want to play and then run around screaming and crying.  What's a few bites and scratches amongst friends? And could you please love me a little less! Stay out of my personal bubble and keep your cousin away from me too.  Darn right, you scared me, Far Away Terror!!  How about we all learn to share too! I can't play with your toys and you take my toys and I get stuck with crap like this

You can keep trying, but I'm not touching that

Won't somebody help me?

There! There! Now get the heck off

Seriously, where are your parents?

Freakin Thrilled

You think this is funny? Go ahead take a picture. I'm gonna wake the kids up at 5am tomorrow

oomph! Can't breathe

Far away Terror is visiting. NO!!!!!!

This can't be good!!!!!

Just one more thing before I go.  I know this sounds vain, but I have heard many, many people call me cute!  Therefore, Little Terror, you should have no problem telling the difference between my butt and my face.  If you pick me up upside down again, so help me, I am going to scratch a smiley face on your butt so people get confused and you can feel all the blood rushing to your head!!