Dear Jamie,
We just turned 30 and we are as old and decrepted as we thought. Yea, us! Here are a few things I wanted to tell you...
1. Just say no to mooning the camera! I know our butt was probably at it's peak cuteness at 5, but seriously stop! You don't want to know how many many people have been stunned by those cheeks while watching what they thought were normal home videos.
2. Don't listen to Mrs. Moyer when she calls your brillant attempt to mimic the abstract art from the school assembly "awful scribble!" Choose art electives in school. With Art lessons and baking skills, we could have been bigger than the Cake Boss!! Yeah, that's right Mrs. Moyer, I'm calling you out! Way to stomp on my chances for success.
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| look, I even drew a copy of the painting that inspired me! |
3. Hey, you know that pastor's kid who got in trouble for whipping out nail clippers at recess? You're gonna be Mrs. Nail clippers in the future.
4. Sure, it was a sweet moment of revenge when you tied your brother to a chair with a jump rope and wrote flute killer on his forehead for breaking your flute keys, but it's not worth it. It's going to be brought up over and over and over again!
5. While we are at it, leave your brother alone! He is gonna grow up to be a beast and you know what they say about pay backs!
6. Let's be realistics about our dream job. Marine biologist? Really? You can't even pick up a fish stick! How are you going to be the next Jacque Cousteau?
7. When your mom asks you to start the grill, RUN AWAY! Keep your bangs and avoid the nick name "Singeja" I think that there was even a cat named that in your honnor
8. Drug your mom before your first time driving on the turnpike. She is going to turn to your brother and sister and tell them that she loves them just in case something happens. She is not kidding! She is gonna have a death grip on the seats in front of her the whole time. Knock her out!
9. Don't be such a dork! Skip on senior skip day! And for heaven's sakes, don't go to school during seniors finals week when you don't really have to just to go to your "internship" in the cafeteria..... holy crap! That's so wrong!
10. While it was smart to do a trial run taking the train/subway to culinary school before it started, let's not make it a family event. Can you imagine what everyone thought seeing 5 of the whitest people ever in a herd stumbling through public transportation together! We didn't even ask for help, they came up to us.
11. Elope!!!! Forget all that stress!!
12. When you have your first baby, relax! You will survive their first year. They will sleep eventually. You aren't going to screw them up too badly..... yet
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