If cleanliness is next to Godliness.....

  If cleanliness is suppose be next to Godliness, then why does cleaning the house always make me want to shout words that most definitely would not please the Lord???? I am not a fan of cleaning. I hate it! I. HATE. IT.

   After Syd was born, several older, extremely wise moms said not to worry about having a perfectly clean house. The kids will only be this little for so long. You'll have plenty of time to clean and keep a perfect house when they grow up. Just focus on enjoying them.
    Well, that was the best darn advice that I had ever heard! If I weren't so afraid of needles, I'd get it tattooed on myself. If someone wrote a song about it, I would make it the theme song of my life. If I had to write it on a cake, it would be glorious chocolate cake with layers and layers of  buttercream and chocolate ganache and I would ignore the flour spilled on the floor while I made it. Who cares about a little flour, I'm too busy enjoying my babies. Well yeah, it's nap time so maybe I might have had time, but just be quiet! I can enjoy them from the couch as they sleep.
    As you can tell (sorry about the dramatics), I fully embraced it and it was working real well for me until........ *takes deep breath* A couple of months of ago we decided that we were going to put our house on the market. Every mom with small kids who just read this made the same face guys do when they see another guy get hit in the nuts on America's Funniest Home Videos. Yes, it really is THAT painful.
      I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I...... almost lost the will to live when I looked up saw the ceiling fans. Pretty sure that the last time I dusted them was when I was 9 months pregnant with Nathan and totally in the nesting phase. I know! How could I forget about them for so long especially since I have spent so much time looking up toward Heaven, praying for some sleep since that crazy kids was born!?! Well, the best explanation that I can come up with is that things don't look so bad when you never clean your glasses.
     After lots of blood, sweat, tears, Clorox wipes, screaming and gnashing of teeth, more sweat, not so nice words, maniacal laughter, and unnecessarily violent threats involving thing that aren't even physically possible, the house was finally CLEAN and not just my kind of clean, but CLEAN! I sat down and rejoiced as I admired my sparkly new kingdom. I conquered that dirty mountain! I started thinking about all the possibilities for my free time now that I was one of those moms.... I could have people over without needing excuses. My brain was receiving pure, dust free oxygen, I could probably master those things on Pinterest instead of having epic fails. Life was truly amazing for, I don't know, 20 minutes.
      And then I discovered something truly awful! Clothes were still getting dirty! Crumbs were sticking to my feet as I walked across the hardwood floors. The sink was filling up with dirty dishes every time I turned around. The house was getting dirty AGAIN!! It never ends! It doesn't matter how hard you work, something will always need to be done. It feels like you are a gerbil running on a wheel and getting nowhere.(The wheel is probably made of stainless steel too and you are smudging the crap outta it so grab some special spray and microfiber towel!!)
      Let's take a second to address the added bonus of having small children.Those bleepin stuffed animals must sneak in their friends late at night because the pile on the couch always came back and also bigger than ever.  Oh and I now feel like I am overly qualified for a job in a parade or circus, following behind the animals and scooping up poop. Maybe I should get into that but I should look into some anger management course. Probably should try to squeeze in some brownie detox therapy first! Don't judge me! Brownies are the only way to survive!!
     Thank goodness the Lord never gives you more than you can handle. Apparently, I can't handle very much! I only have to deal with one showing. We got an offer right away. There was much rejoicing! We could go back to living in filth.  Mama seriously needed to hop off that lemon scented train to Crazytown. I live close enough to it as it is!
    So umm hey, speaking of crazy, I guess that I kinda forgot to tell a lot of people that we moved! Congratulations, my loyal friend! You suffered through my ramblings and got to the important news. The rest of them are gonna feel real stupid when they show up for a play date at the wrong house!
   

How to unsuccessfully cut sugar out of your life

As most of you know, because you all love to ask me why I am not huge (#pastrychefproblems), I rarely eat a whole dessert except for ice cream.  You kinda get tired of cake after you bake your one thousandth one.. That doesn't mean that my body isn't made up of about 40% simple syrup! Back in March, I started the 21 day fix. The sugar detox went surprisingly well! And then I started falling off the wagon a little bit when life got a little crazy. I started eating "cleanish" and considered myself not on the clean eating wagon but not completely off..... More like dragging along in back holding onto a twizzler rope. Here are some tips on how you too can be unsuccessful at cutting out sugar. Before I start, let me mention that it's about 80% thinking outside the box!

* Love your Children: Their adorableness makes them candy magnets at parades. You care about their health so you need to get rid of a few pieces if you catch my drift! I mean sure you could cut back on the number of parades you go to since they hate the sound of the fire trucks and don't want to go anyway but.... You're making memories!


* Love your Spouse:  Sometimes being home ALL DAY with your kids is tough. They're all like "where did all the tootsie rolls from the parade go?" Then you're all like, "I have no idea!" *picks chocolate flavored roll of survival out of teeth* The crying goes on and on and on! Stealing that massive spoon of ice cream or cutting off a little bit of brownie and then another and then another and then another and then the final piece is the most delicious way to relieve the frustration of the day instead you know, wanting to take it out on your poor unsuspecting spouse!


*Love your Friends: Friends don't let friends eat sugar alone. Now if they are just eating sugar because you are then..... Shhh!! I won't tell!

*Quality Control: You need to taste stuff before you serve it to others. ( Especially when you are experimenting with new recipes or new menus! Lord help me on New Menu days!!) If you take pride in your work, then you better make sure you are 110% satisfied with the unhealthy fruits of your labor! Mmm... I want I bite of apple crisp or two!

* Strive for Improvement: My ice cream flavor brainstorming has been on point lately! Kahlua brownie chunk! Strawberry shortcake with bite sized pieces of pound cake! Peanut butter s'mores ! You must collect several samples throughout the batch to make sure the flavors combine perfectly!

* Don't be Wasteful: You're eating plain Greek yogurt and it tastes like sadness! (Try adding some frozen blueberries that have been slightly thawed and it's only mildly tastes like disappointment) Your child has left 3 or 4 bites of their flavored yogurt. You can't let it go to waste. Another example is the crust of their PB&J sandwich. Well, at least it's whole wheat, right?? Well, I mean you might have spread the jelly real close to the edge because you know the crust will be rejected even when they say it won't, but......


AND FINALLY, IT'S NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY! So eat some ice cream and vow to reset your diet tomorrow with me!!!!!!!'

Thoroughly discussed exciting news

  If you have seen us at all recently, then you have without a doubt been told all about this. Sydney lost her two bottom teeth.  I could write all about it or I could just list a bunch of Syd's comment..... Quoting her is usually much funnier than anything I could come up with so here you go!

Mom, guess what! I have a loose tooth! See, it's right here. I know it's loose because my friend told me and she is older than me so she  knows!

What are we having for lunch? Remember! My tooth is loose! 

I can't believe that my tooth is finally loose!

Do you think that I should wiggle it?

When will it come out?

Are you excited? Are you just excited or really excited? Why are you so excited?

I can't wait to tell Daddy!

Should I tell my teacher when I have school next time?

Do you think that I should tell the post office man when we get there?

when will the rest of my teeth fall out?

So soon I'll have all my grown up teeth and then I'll be ready to be a mom?  (Pretty sure I had a mild heart attack with that one)


Is the tooth fairy real? I think it's just you and daddy!

How much money will the tooth fairy give me? Do think it will be a lot?

I wiggled it! Do you think that it's looser?

Pop-Pop pulled your teeth out? Maybe I should ask him since he knows how!

I can't wait to tell Daddy!

So do you think that the tooth fairy will give me lots of money? I just want to know so I know what I can buy. Because like if she gives me $18, I could buy something REALLY EXPENSIVE!!

Daddy! Daddy! DAD! DAAAD! I have to tell you something very exciting! Can you come here now? Daddy! Dad...... Mom, he isn't coming up here yet! Dad! Dad, can you hurry up so i can tell you.... Mom, why is he taking so long? Hi Daddy.... Never mind, I'll tell you in a little bit. I need to do it when I am ready

Okay Daddy, I have a loose tooth! Are you excited for me?

Mom, do you think that Daddy is really excited or is he just saying that? Yeah, I think he is excited too!

When will my tooth come out?

My friend wiggled my tooth today and she said it'll come out really soon!

What should I eat to help my tooth come out?

Maybe I'll ask Pop-Pop to pull it. Are you sure he pulled your teeth?

Should I be wiggling it when I watch TV?

My friend wiggled my tooth for me again!

Pop-Pop can you pull my tooth out for me?

Umm Mommy, next time I think that I am going to let my tooth come out in its' own time! 


  I don't even want to tell you how much money the girl got from the tooth fairy and her grandparents! I feel like I should have gotten a cut of it for answering all her questions! I think we talked more about teeth that week than a dental school student does in a year!