The big joke is that husbands say stupid things all the time. TV shows love to exaggerate it. Wives like to compare notes and commiserate. It's not all of their faults. Well, I am sure part of it is some long turn brain damage from crazy stunts they pulled as kids but, I suspect the rest of the problem stems from us asking impossible questions with impossible answers. Their brains start to over heat, trying to solve the riddle, and it melts and slowly oozes out of their ears, creating the perfect fertilizer for ear hair.
What impossible questions you ask? Let's talk about a typical Sunday morning. I've rummaged through my clothes, wishing that I had found time to go shopping. I'm also wishing the I was one of those moms who bounced back right away, had a high metabolism, or any athletic ability. But we do not hate or envy, especially on Sunday. I put something on and turn to Stephen.......
"Do I look ok? Are you sure? I don't know. Does it look tighter? I feel gross. Are you telling me the truth? Would you tell me if I didn't look ok? What? Why do you look mad? Ugh, look at my hair. Does this look ok? Did you look? I don't think you looked!"
One Sunday, I had some sort of moment of clarity in the PMS haze and realized he had no way to answer. What did I expect? I wanted to hear that I looked good, but I won't believe it. His answer will be questioned no less than six times. I wanted the truth, but not if it's the wrong answer. But the wrong answer is the one I think is right, that I look bad. I'd be mad at him if I went out looking awful, but what could he say that won't have me crying and/or killing him? That's quite a puzzle! I'm surprised I didn't see steam from his over heated brain.
Another moment that probably involved lots of over heating and brain melting, had to do with Easter candy. I told Stephen that I absolutely did not want any Easter candy. I had been eating too many sweets and bathing suit season was not that far away. I also went on and on about how I did not like the peanut butter eggs he got. I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned that I am not of fan of them for the last 7 Easter's, just in case he forgot. So it would make sense for him to question why I ate some. ( I was in such a rush when I stole them because I didn't want the kids to see me eating chocolate at 8:30am. I didn't close the lid right. Totally Busted!!) He asked "Why did you eat my candy? You told me not to get you any because you said you are gonna start eating healthy to lose weight." That's totally what I told him and yet I totally wanted to hurt him, thank goodness I had too many little witnesses around! He looked so confused as I was giving him the death glare. I'll admit, it really didn't make sense, but nobody better tell me I can't have chocolate when I decide I deserved it.
I wish I could wrap this up with some way to overcome this and offer up advice. A little something about body image and a dash of communication skills. Let's be honest, I am still gonna ask if I look okay, tell him don't let me eat something and then practically break his finger off to grab another chip or candy. He will never understand the logical reasons why he is wrong. Try not to kill them and occasionally let the stupid comments slide!
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