Type Abnormal Mom: Abnormal Christmas Letter

Merry Christmas from the Fords!

Dear Friends and family,

After looking at all your wonderful Christmas cards and reading about all your awesome year end summaries, we figured we would try to feel a bit better about ourselves by bragging to those near and dear to our heart. So let's dive right in.

Stephen and Jamie: We had a pretty exciting year. We ummm...... We accomplished a...... Well..... we found a better trash company. Saving a few dollars, always good! We have lived in our house for a little over 6 yrs and it shows! A lot of dust and cobwebs can collect and a lot of paint can chip off in 6 yrs. We each had another successful stagnant year at our jobs. They pay just enough of the bills to almost balance out the soul crushing effect of the daily grind. Speaking of soul crushing, I am pretty sure that I have finally worn down and broken Stephen's spirit. He just doesn't have it in him to fight my crazy schemes anymore. Case in point, I hosted a dozen kids play with about 10 gallons of jello on a tarp in the living room. Only a broken man would let his wife do that. Oh, how could I forget we both turned the big 3-0! Stephen opted for a small, quiet celebration, while I faked not wanting to be the center of attention and lapped up every bit of focus on me. Stephen is aging like fine wine, but most days I feel like I am aging like one of France's other specialties..... Cheese! I'm like that one type of cheese on the cheese plate that is pretty scary. It's aged and it shows. It's an acquired taste and rather sharp. You kinda have to close your eyes and give yourself a pep talk to get near it. Stephen would argue that it's not true, but this year he found out he was long over due for glasses. I rest my case!

Jello Insanity

Sydney: Finally using the potty! As you all know, she got to go on stage with the Wiggles. She continues to play with imaginary wiggles. I think my obsession is having a negative effect on her, but I have not come to a place where I can make changes. I need to hit rock bottom ( not sure what rock bottom of a Wiggles obsession looks like but I am guessing there is probably a one way ticket to Australia or a tattoo of Anthony on a bum cheek involved) Anyway, back to Syd! She started preschool this year and is perfecting her tattle tail skills and making sure everything is fair and equal, unless it involves her getting more than others. She is extremely smart and I am sure she would have been a child prodigy, if not for the vast amounts of TV we let her watch.

Nathan: He turned one in February and I'd say it's been all down hill from there, but it's more like up chairs, tables, kitchen islands, end tables, boxes, window sills, couches, toilets, stairs, and any other place a child should not go. He is also very smart and saying new words every day ( his new catch phase is "Hey, that's pretty cool") which is even more surprising than Syd because she had millions of hours of us reading to combat all the tv watching. I forgot to read to him for most of the first year of his life. He got to spend lots of this this year plotting danger schemes with his cousin Micah. It's amazing that they have not been to the hospital many times.

We had a lovely vacation this year. We went to the Outer Banks and got sand in places God never intended sand to be as we tried to force our kids to love the ocean. We went in the pool, then the beach, then the pool, then the beach, then the pool, then the beach, then the pool, then the beach, then the pool,then the beach, then the pool, and that was just the first day! On the last day I was pretty sick and it was AWESOME! With all the adults around, I was able to hand off the kids and lay in bed and be sick like a MAN! I napped and read all day. Sure, there were a couple moments during my illness, I wished for death, but overall, it was pretty awesome. I plan on licking a few hospital elevator buttons before our next vacation. That way I can get sick and relax in the beginning of the vacation and, fingers crossed, look better in my bathing suits by the end of the week!

Stephen also accidently brought the spawn of Satan home for our children. It's not his fault, it was disguised as the most adorable kitten you have ever seen! While he does an impressive job of putting up with the kids extreme love, he lives to make me crazy! He steals and eats waffles and cereal bars. He bites and scratches and slams his head into door until he can wake the kids up.

I could go on and on, but I don't want to you feel bad about your inferior life! We hope 2014 is an awesome year for you and your family, but not too much better than yours!

love,
Jamie, Stephen, Syd, Nathan, and the teeny tiny Devil

Ps I am really not this self absorbed, but I know if I need to make myself the butt of my jokes or my family will kill me and use this blog to prove it was justified!