Breastfeeding: A Look Back part 1

 I'm not an expert at anything (well, maybe an expert at not being an expert) and I don't have any sage advice or wisdom to bestow upon you. I just figured that maybe if I share my experiences then another new mom may be saved from freaking out and feeling like a failure. So here we go! This is your TMI warning. Read at your own risk :)

   Before I had Sydney, I read a couple of books and articles about Breastfeeding.  I learned that it's the most natural thing in the world. You will grow super human babies. You will love it and you will bond and it will be magical.  Yes, there are things that go wrong, but you will just read the FAQ section in the back and it will be okay.  Other Moms said it was challenging at first, but not many people give full disclosure of struggles.  I was totally caught off guard by how not perfect it all was!

 Moms to be, don't freak out! For some moms the milk will overflowth, the baby latches instantly, the birds sing, and all will be right with the world. This is just a "see, you're okay if things aren't perfect. You are not alone" speech!

   Right after I had Sydney, she seemed to latch pretty well. I thought we were okay, but things got progressively worse. I couldn't get her to latch AT ALL! I struggled to hold her right. I asked the nurses for help. The first nurse was amazing, but her shift changed :(  Let me tell you there are so many nurses at that hospital that owe me coffee, maybe movie, or even dinner. I've never felt so fondled!  I'm pretty sure I should have demanded expensive jewelry from one particular aggressive "helpful" nurse! Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. I was getting real worked up. Saturday afternoon birth was super convenient for the family, but the lactation consultant was gone for the day and wouldn't be back til Monday!! Everyone kept saying a nipple shield would help, but they were completely out (story of my life!)  Monday morning I was a mess! I had the pushiest nurse ever. I was tired and, you know, had just given birth so I was rather weepy! She was convinced that I didn't have enough support and should do formula. I'm sobbing because I can't make you go away, lady! BRING. ME. THE. LACTATION. CONSULTANT!!  Syd's doctor came in and nurse evil left.  I must have looked so pathetic and fragile, that he was offering to give me his wife's number so I could call her for help!  But the consultant eventually arrived, and we worked as a team to get Syd latched.  She gave me some tips and sent me home with instructions to send someone out for a shield and to trying pumping for a minute before I fed Syd.
    We came home and my dad and Stephen were sent to Babies 'R' Us while my mom and I tried to figure out the mysterious pump contraption.  Oh my goodness, my dad kept calling them "nipple extenders" instead of nipple shields. These poor guys had to search the store for them. THEY COME IN DIFFERENT SIZES! Let that simmer for a second. That right there, is love! Standing in the Breastfeeding section with your father in law, trying to figure out what size would fit your wife!!! They return from the most awkward guy bonding session and I tried it out. Let's just say, if you call me in the middle of the night to say you are having trouble and the hospital is out of them, I will go break into a store for you!
    Things got a bit better, but feeding her was still awkward. I needed another hand to get everything situated. It felt like every other mom was a super mom, holding the super latched baby and walking around folding laundry, making lunch, and saving kittens from trees. I couldn't even get comfortable in the rocking chair in the nursing room in the nursery. I dreaded Church if she had to eat. One day I was so frustrated and could not do the rocker and couldn't work the nursing cover. My mom stood guard while the girls were totally exposed in the far side entrance of Church. I cried and cried as I fed her. I felt just like a failure.  The books told/warned me to wean her off the shield as quickly as possible because of supply or trouble bonding, I can't remember exactly why.  Sydney did not care what the books said!  She screamed and screamed! If she doesn't want to do something, look out! 
   One day, my mom was talking to a cousin about grandbabies. Some how they got talking about breastfeeding ( yes, your boobs are up for discussion when you have kids) and the cousin mentioned how her daughter in law (the most wonderful woman in the world) had similar problems. I started emailing back and forth between my new hero and suddenly I felt so much better. I did have super supportive friends who helped SO MUCH, but there is just something so comforting about knowing someone who lived through the battle your going through! Syd and I continued to have goods days and bad days, but I could handle them better.  One day, around 6 or 7 months, little miss stubborn was done eating and decided to give it a go without a shield and practiced repeatedly while I sat there dumbfounded!  Breastfeeding got so much easier.  While it didn't always feel like this amazing, bonding, nurturing experience, I was glad I did it.  Sometimes my stubbornness and cheapness were the only things that kept me going.

  Now, wait a minute! Don't start thinking that this is a campaign to stick with it no matter what! This is just my story! I love to cheer on and support new breastfeeders, but I support my friends and family who decide not to breastfeed or to stop 110%!  Sometimes things don't work out. There are many reasons such as supply tanking no matter how much gross tea you drink, inability to latch, working full time, extreme pain, little shark babies with sharp teeth, medicines mom needs, or maybe your baby decides there is too much to see in the world and can't spend another minute stuck staring at boobs. Breastmilk is AWESOME, but a happy, healthy mom is more important!!  You are the center of their universe! Your mental/emotional health makes a difference. You and your body did not fail your baby! You are more than a set of boobs! You have the most perfect lap for comforting. You might not have made enough milk, but maybe you used your hands to make home made organic baby food or delicious meals.  I have no experience with this, but others have beautiful voices to sooth and sing to sleep.  Maybe you have a super brain and can teach your baby so many things! Maybe you have strong legs to run around and teach your child to be athletic and not picked last at gym class.  A creative brain comes in handy for the best stories and playtime. Can't forget the energizer bodies that work full time to support their babies and help with that bazillion dollar college bill!  (Wow, this is why my body always rallied when my supply dipped, it knew I didn't have much else to offer!)
   Don't feel guilty about formula either! I've seen what those books say.... oh those bleepin books.... they can be a help but also leave you crying and rocking in a corner.  After reading the books, I was like "oh that must be why I was hardly ever get sick, or had allergies, or was smart when I was younger." Well, guess what! One day, I heard my mom talking to a friend and she told her she only breast fed my sister and I for 3 months each. MIND BLOWN!  I had formula as a baby! I turned out fine.... well, a little nutty but that's not formula's fault! While breast milk is this crazy amazing stuff, giving them formula is also feeding them well!  Don't let the pro breast feeding books make you feel like giving formula is equal to letting your baby guzzle gallons of  Hawaiian punch!

Okay, getting off my soap box now! I hopped up there kinda accidentally! You are probably never going to look at me ever again. Let's end this now! At some point, when I recover from this boob tell all, I will write about the opposite extreme.... the happy latch who doesn't want a bottle! 

Stupid things I said/thought about Vacation

I am going to eat HEALTHY on vacation

We have the DVD players, the kids won't start whining for a while

We left at 6am

Swimming in the pool will be so easy. Both kids have their Puddle jumpers

Big girls swim on their own! We choose now to be brave??

 I WILL exercise on Vacation

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Hey, we will just wear them out by swimming and playing all day. We will have no trouble getting them to fall asleep and stay asleep

Okay, I will just lay with you on my bed for an hr till you fall asleep

Now, how do we get him in his spot

I'm not going to cut my hair until after vacation because it will look crazy if it's not pulled up after I swim

 

Oh, let's see the dinosaur exhibit at the aquarium! Kids will love it

"Mommy, HOLD ME!"

Hey, let's take a picture of all the kids together by the frog

The kids aren't falling asleep quickly and keep staying up late. They will definitely sleep in

Sunrise, we meet again old friend

 Let's get frozen yogurt and load it up with stuff right (before bedtime on the last day)

I now call this the pre sugar high photo

Fro Yo hangover for the ride home

He has worn himself out screaming, He will sleep for a while

20 minutes later

And now something smart that I said........

Here is a lollipop

Here is ANOTHER lollipop

Sydney: Best shopping partner ever

  Vacation is less than 2 weeks away, so I had to go shopping.  I hate shopping alone so I convinced Syd to come with me.  It was quite the experience! Mom, get the shirt with giraffes! Mom, get this shirt it matches my shirt ( ugliest shirt I've ever seen!) Mom, get this bathing suit! ( Hot pink and orange bikini.The world is not ready for that! Yikes) Hey mom, let's go over here. Look at all the jewelry. I don't really have anything [ smiles sweetly and bats her eyes] and I REALLY like bracelets.  The best part was her in the dressing room with me. Here are a few quotes.  I can't imagine what the other people in there thought!

" AHH! You're naked! I wasn't expecting that" I WAS NOT REALLY NAKED FOR THE RECORD!

"Oh mom, that's just brilliant. You picked out a good one"

"What? It's too tight. I don't like tight things.NEVER. GET. TIGHT. THINGS"

"Turn around, let me see your butt. Yup, I don't like them either. They make your butt look funny"

"Oh I like those. The pockets are on a good spot on your butt"

"Can we come here everyday? I really like this seat"

"Mom, not everyone wears bras.  The old ones don't.  You know, the old ones in Heaven. They don't wear them, right? I guess we will see when we are old and die!"


And then she picked out a shirt for me and talked me into buying it;)

"That is the most beautiful shirt ever. Can I have it when I'm big?"

Husbands can't win

   The big joke is that husbands say stupid things all the time.  TV shows love to exaggerate it. Wives like to compare notes and commiserate. It's not all of their faults. Well, I am sure part of it is some long turn brain damage from crazy stunts they pulled as kids but, I suspect the rest of the problem stems from us asking impossible questions with impossible answers.  Their brains start to over heat, trying to solve the riddle, and it melts and slowly oozes out of their ears, creating the perfect fertilizer for ear hair.
    What impossible questions you ask?  Let's talk about a typical Sunday morning.  I've rummaged through my clothes, wishing that I had found time to go shopping. I'm also wishing the I was one of those moms who bounced back right away, had a high metabolism, or any athletic ability. But we do not hate or envy, especially on Sunday. I put something on and turn to Stephen.......
   "Do I look ok? Are you sure? I don't know. Does it look tighter? I feel gross. Are you telling me the truth? Would you tell me if I didn't look ok? What? Why do you look mad? Ugh, look at my hair. Does this look ok? Did you look? I don't think you looked!"
   One Sunday, I had some sort of moment of clarity in the PMS haze and realized he had no way to answer. What did I expect? I wanted to hear that I looked good, but I won't believe it. His answer will be questioned no less than six times. I wanted the truth, but not if it's the wrong answer. But the wrong answer is the one I think is right, that I look bad. I'd be mad at him if I went out looking awful, but what could he say that won't have me crying and/or killing him? That's quite a puzzle! I'm surprised I didn't see steam from his over heated brain.
   Another moment that probably involved lots of over heating and brain melting, had to do with Easter candy.  I told Stephen that I absolutely did not want any Easter candy. I had been eating too many sweets and bathing suit season was not that far away.  I also went on and on about how I did not like the peanut butter eggs he got. I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned that I am not of fan of them for the last 7 Easter's, just in case he forgot. So it would make sense for him to question why I ate some. ( I was in such a rush when I stole them because I didn't want the kids to see me eating chocolate at 8:30am. I didn't close the lid right. Totally Busted!!)   He asked "Why did you eat my candy? You told me not to get you any because you said you are gonna start eating healthy to lose weight."  That's totally what I told him and yet I totally wanted to hurt him, thank goodness I had too many little witnesses around!  He looked so confused as I was giving him the death glare. I'll admit, it really didn't make sense, but nobody better tell me I can't have chocolate when I decide I deserved it.
       I wish I could wrap this up with some way to overcome this and offer up advice. A little something about body image and a dash of communication skills.  Let's be honest, I am still gonna ask if I look okay, tell him don't let me eat something and then practically break his finger off to grab another chip or candy.  He will never understand the logical reasons why he is wrong. Try not to kill them and occasionally let the stupid comments slide!

OH POOP!

      Everyone one warns you about the lack of sleep and lack of money, but they fail to mention one thing! Suddenly, a big chunk of your life becomes all about someone else's POOP! And just when you think you can handle the poop situation, it reaches a whole new level of gross!!
    Day 1 starts with this crazy practically irremovable tar substance that pretty much just adds insult to injury. You already feel totally inept and it's got you still struggling 3 wipes and a pee sprinkle later. Then you need to record each dirty diaper on that nifty chart they give you. If you're a first timer, you continue with your own chart and dutifully track each poo for weeks. You celebrate when the tar is gone, then it starts changing colors and you're freaking out.  The first time you dress them up and go out, Blow outs happen!  In the beginning you try all sorts of techniques to remove clothing without further contamination.  Gradually it wears you out until you say screw it and you take the scissors to the onsie your dying great aunt hand sewed.  You just can't take shampooing poop out of hair again.  You're so over asking all the mommy chats "how do you get poop stains out."  Next is solid foods.  All sorts of ungodly and unspeakable things start coming from your precious little one. You spend hours airing out the house and tracking them down as they flee in terror from the dreaded diaper change. You think it can't get worse but it does! It really, really does!  This next phase inspired this post.
    THEY LEARN HOW TO TAKE THEIR DIAPERS OFF!!!  I think you are not officially a parent until you have to scrub poop from under a toddler's finger nails!!  In the past week we have had two incidents.........

Tractor time:
    While I shower the kids usually play/fight in Sydney's room. This day (that will live in infamy) was kinda quiet. I should have known.  After I showered, I started their bath. I noticed that my informant (Sydney) was actually downstairs.  I called Nathan and he walked to me.  His diaper was MIA and little poop flakes were falling off his hands.  He bumped into the door with his poop smeared leg.  I wiped him down and threw him in the tub. I looked for the diaper and scream. It was open and next to his tractor on Syd's table. He used his poop for mud! There was poop all smashed in the tire treads.  Must have been "muddin" because it was "splashed" on the rest of it too.  Real creative kid, but you're going on the mat for F.O.R.E.V.E.R

"Ah No Nap, Mommy" :
    After too many crib escapes, we had to switch to the big boy bed.  We started making sure his door was super shut so he can't escape naps.  A lot of times, he talks and sings and calls for me. I usually let it go for an hour and if he still isn't asleep, I get him.  He was really talking away and yelling "Mommy" a lot, so I went to check on him. I opened the door and saw him half naked. No big surprise! I saw a wet spot on the carpet, so annoying! I stepped into the room...... Wait a minute! Why is my toe warm????..... No, it can't....... Please no....... I just....seriously.....NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I looked to see lots of smudges of poop.  While the little guy was free balling it, he must of pooped on the go. There are spots all over the floor. His book and a little spot on the wall also fell victim to this poop and run situation. UNBELIEVABLE!! (Note to self: add carpet cleaner to shopping list. the NEW bottle is almost done)


Please tell me it gets better!!! Tell me that after the always imperfectly timed "Mom, I'm done! Wipe me" shout, it's over!!! I can't handle anything else!!

Mother's Day Lemonade

    When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, right?  Being a mom to little kids is one tough job!  Full of challenges and exhaustion.  Our speaker at Mops, reminded us that it won't be forever and not to lose hope as you struggle.  It must have really stuck in my mind, because as things were driving me crazy, my outlook started to change.

*now before I get started, let me just say that our speaker is a wonderful, godly, sophisticated woman with lots of great advice and it's just my nutty, twisted brain that takes advice and make a weird turn

Once again Nathan had taken his diaper off when he was suppose to be napping and peed all over his mattress.  As I was taking of his sheet, sanitizing, and chasing my half naked little animal, I realized something.  Those diaperless adorable hiney cheeks won't last forever! One day they will be hairy man cheeks!!! One day, they will probably be exposed when he is wearing his pants too low or he is mooning his sister's friends. Suddenly, I am treasuring these tiny hiney days! This led to a whole list of things:

One day they will not screaming and crying like they are trying for an Oscar when they get a little itty bitty scrape, but then they will know that your kiss is not magical and won't cure it all

One day Nathan will stop eating parts of our home and he will be eating us out of out of house and home.  Dirt and crumbs are a lot cheaper than the amount of food a teenage boy eats

Right now Syd is constantly sneaking into our room and one day she might be trying to sneak out of the house

It's frustrating when the world seems to end if you leave the room or try and do something so selfish, like pee by yourself, but one day they will probably do their best to NOT be seen with you

It will be a heck of a lot harder to settle battles over who gets the car versus the melt downs over sharing balloons. You can't just blow up another car

One day they will stop waking you up super early and you will have no good excuse for why you look haggard and tired

It makes me crazy when Syd spazzes out when I brush her hair, but one day I will have to deal with an emotional teen crying about her hair and her looks.  That emotional mine field will be more challenging than just pinning her down and grabbing detangler

One day I will get to take a shower in peace and it will give time to notice just how evil gravity and time are! Having someone yell "mommy" every 5 seconds doesn't seem so bad huh??

It can be annoying never being able to listen to your music on the radio, but one day they will be older and you will look so weird going to the Wiggles concert by yourself  

Have a happy Mother's day! Think positively and laugh often!  Remember Hairy man cheek days are ahead, don't wish away the tiny hiney days!

Multiple Park Personalities

"Mommy, I am just going to call you that for a minute okay? Walk up to the swings and say hi to me. Pretend you don't know me!"


And so begins another episode of  As the play ground turns


"Hi, I'm Ella.  I am here at the park by myself because my mom is at work so she tells me to go to the park to wait for someone to come and watch me"

"I have 7 older brothers and 6 older sisters. My brothers were all embarrassed and freaking out. They wanted to dance with my sisters but they didn't want to. They were freaking out. They didn't have time. They had work to do. I was the only one who wanted to dance so I danced with my brothers one at a time. Then my sisters freaked out and it was a mess."

" Two of my sisters were adocked, Elsa and Anna, and two of my brothers were adocked too. They had a reindeer named Sven, so we have him too."

"Our parents died so we just all take care of each other. Well, actually just our dad died because he was really, really, really old but our mom is still around."

"I need to call you mommy again. Mommy, I am going to go play and fall down and pretend to cry. You, Jamie, come over and help me out. Okay? Hey Jamie, I am going to go play over here!"


So many times, I find myself wondering if I should be impressed or concerned with her imagination!!  Will she become an author or actress? Or will she be the weird kid psychologists study?  I have been told that she acts a lot like me so I guess I should.... not worry???