Saturday, August 12, 2017
Finally Got To Pay it Forward!
Today I was flying solo at the grocery store. I know! I was living the dream, right? As I was waiting in the checkout lane, I heard LOUD crying the next aisle over. Well actually, I think most people heard it. When it was my turn, I was able to look over and see a mom, struggling to hold her crying baby with one hand, keep an eye on other her little child, and pack away groceries. I almost started to cry! I'm not even kidding a little bit!
Seeing her struggle, took me back to when I was in that very position. I think it was even the same lane! Syd wanted to ride in the truck cart and I could barely steer it two handed and about half through my list, baby Nathan started to cry and cry! I held him and tried not to crash into everything as I went. I was sweating like crazy and blushing! Nathan was just as beet red from crying. When I got to the check out I could barely reach my groceries. Everything was just too much! Tears slowly started rolling down my face as I flung stuff on the belt. The cashier saw me and right away jump in to help. She got someone to unload my cart and bag for me and assured me that it was okay and that it happens to the best of us. She was a mom too and knew exactly how I felt.
I quickly paid for my groceries and then stood there for a second, feeling very nervous and awkward, but I decided to get over it and put myself out there. I came up and asked if I could help bag her groceries since I have been her in same shoes. She gladly excepted my help, as her poor baby continued to let her know that he was not feeling well. I got a bunch of her stuff loaded in bags and she and the flustered check out girl who was also trying to help and do her job thanked me. It really was no big deal and very little time and effort on my part, but it made her nightmare a little less traumatic.
It was a good reminder of all those struggles that I went through. They can become positives! I was able to feel her pain so much that I had to fight back tears and I had such a strong urge to jump in and help and encourage that I tossed my timid ways aside.
And maybe one day, when her kids are older, that woman will spot another mom struggling in that aisle and have that uncontrollable urge to do her part and help out. The chain of mom support will continue.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
For the love of Vacation packing: My tips
I love LOVE packing for trips! I get excited to make lists and organize! There is some sort of McHale super packing gene that starts taking over a couple of weeks before the trip and it makes sure I have as much packed as I can as soon as possible!
About a month before:
* I start thinking about my list (we are creatures of habit so we travel to the same beach. This means that the list is permanently tattooed on my brain)
* Pay attention to those BOGO and 2 for $whatever deals on cereals, travel friendly snacks, and dry goods and set the extra aside in a special location in my pantry (our dinner is ALWAYS spaghetti because it's quick and easy)
* Check the status of our back up bathing suits (we always take 2 each because putting on a damp bathing suit is the worst! we alternate) then pack the back ups
About two weeks before:
* Check out the sunblock shampoo/soap situation and stock up
* Buy our new tooth brushes and throw them in the suitcase ( I time it so our current toothbrushes are ready to be tossed the morning we leave)
* Pick a color scheme for each kid and then as I do laundry start packing away some their clothes (I do a color scheme because they have TONS of shirts so they get packed first and then totally forgotten about. When it's time to pack shorts I can avoid fashion nightmares without having to go back and look through the shirts each time I pick a pair a shorts to pack)
* We don't really meal plan or freeze casseroles, but we do bring down the basics like oatmeal or pancake mix or my beloved quinao. I start pouring out however much we probably need (labeled with servings or directions) and add it to the pantry stash
* Buy cheese sticks and yogurt squeeze tubes and then raid the 4th of July parade candy for road trip snacks (it's called balance, people!)
* Closer to the end of this week, I start putting my clean laundry into the suitcase (as usual momma does not have nearly as many clothes)
About a week before:
* Pack up a bag with car snacks (non refrigerated kind) baby wipes, new stickers/paper/crayons, hand sanitizers, and gum
* Shop for fruit/veggie sales for trip food and the week
* Pack the rest of the clothes ( we only pack 4 outfits because we do laundry mid week) and look terrible in leftover wardrobe
* Gather make up and medicine in a travel bag, but keep out on the counter so you can still reach them if needed
* Give each kid a backpack to fill with must reach toys for trip
* Set aside a few kids cups/plates if needed and water bottles
A day or two before:
* Lay out clothes for the morning we leave
* Stock up on ice
* Put all the refrigerated things coming with you on a shelf next to each other so you don't have to think in the morning
* Put one set of suits/towels and sunblock in a pool bag (don't bury it when you pack the car! make it easy to reach for when you get there before your place is ready! the kids can swim while you wait!)
* A truly nuts vacation packer *raises hands* starts gathering everything by the door so nothing is forgotten
* Coolers cleaned out and put near the fridge
Night before:
* Charge up kindles and electronics in the evening so they can be put in purses or bags by the door and chargers packed
* Load up the car with AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! even the suitcase because you don't need to wait to pack up toothbrushes and you have the small travel bag of make up/meds for any last minute things
* Set up coffee maker
* Bag up breakfast and pour milk in cups with lids (or get your kids some Snackeez cups! Love them!)
Morning of:
* Wake up and toss every one's pillows by the door and grab the little travel bag
* Gather fans if you are one of THOSE people who need it to sleep
* Grab cell phones and chargers (if you don't have a spare packed already)
* Load up the cold stuff and gather the kids
* Get in the car and eat some candy because you did it!!
This is not a 100% complete guide. Don't just rely on this and blame me if you are missing things. Our extended family divides and conquers so they handle certain things so I never have to think about them! Plus I'm writing this while that super gene is still in control and it's trying convince me to get up and pack something even if I don't need too!
P.S. These days are done for me but if you are traveling with a baby, skip the blow up kiddie pool. Pack all of your food in a medium size (low sided) storage bin. Then once the food is put away in your kitchen, use it on the beach. Clear bins make the perfect infinity pool ;)
About a month before:
* I start thinking about my list (we are creatures of habit so we travel to the same beach. This means that the list is permanently tattooed on my brain)
* Pay attention to those BOGO and 2 for $whatever deals on cereals, travel friendly snacks, and dry goods and set the extra aside in a special location in my pantry (our dinner is ALWAYS spaghetti because it's quick and easy)
* Check the status of our back up bathing suits (we always take 2 each because putting on a damp bathing suit is the worst! we alternate) then pack the back ups
About two weeks before:
* Check out the sunblock shampoo/soap situation and stock up
* Buy our new tooth brushes and throw them in the suitcase ( I time it so our current toothbrushes are ready to be tossed the morning we leave)
* Pick a color scheme for each kid and then as I do laundry start packing away some their clothes (I do a color scheme because they have TONS of shirts so they get packed first and then totally forgotten about. When it's time to pack shorts I can avoid fashion nightmares without having to go back and look through the shirts each time I pick a pair a shorts to pack)
* We don't really meal plan or freeze casseroles, but we do bring down the basics like oatmeal or pancake mix or my beloved quinao. I start pouring out however much we probably need (labeled with servings or directions) and add it to the pantry stash
* Buy cheese sticks and yogurt squeeze tubes and then raid the 4th of July parade candy for road trip snacks (it's called balance, people!)
* Closer to the end of this week, I start putting my clean laundry into the suitcase (as usual momma does not have nearly as many clothes)
About a week before:
* Pack up a bag with car snacks (non refrigerated kind) baby wipes, new stickers/paper/crayons, hand sanitizers, and gum
* Shop for fruit/veggie sales for trip food and the week
* Pack the rest of the clothes ( we only pack 4 outfits because we do laundry mid week) and look terrible in leftover wardrobe
* Gather make up and medicine in a travel bag, but keep out on the counter so you can still reach them if needed
* Give each kid a backpack to fill with must reach toys for trip
* Set aside a few kids cups/plates if needed and water bottles
A day or two before:
* Lay out clothes for the morning we leave
* Stock up on ice
* Put all the refrigerated things coming with you on a shelf next to each other so you don't have to think in the morning
* Put one set of suits/towels and sunblock in a pool bag (don't bury it when you pack the car! make it easy to reach for when you get there before your place is ready! the kids can swim while you wait!)
* A truly nuts vacation packer *raises hands* starts gathering everything by the door so nothing is forgotten
* Coolers cleaned out and put near the fridge
Night before:
* Charge up kindles and electronics in the evening so they can be put in purses or bags by the door and chargers packed
* Load up the car with AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! even the suitcase because you don't need to wait to pack up toothbrushes and you have the small travel bag of make up/meds for any last minute things
* Set up coffee maker
* Bag up breakfast and pour milk in cups with lids (or get your kids some Snackeez cups! Love them!)
Morning of:
* Wake up and toss every one's pillows by the door and grab the little travel bag
* Gather fans if you are one of THOSE people who need it to sleep
* Grab cell phones and chargers (if you don't have a spare packed already)
* Load up the cold stuff and gather the kids
* Get in the car and eat some candy because you did it!!
This is not a 100% complete guide. Don't just rely on this and blame me if you are missing things. Our extended family divides and conquers so they handle certain things so I never have to think about them! Plus I'm writing this while that super gene is still in control and it's trying convince me to get up and pack something even if I don't need too!
P.S. These days are done for me but if you are traveling with a baby, skip the blow up kiddie pool. Pack all of your food in a medium size (low sided) storage bin. Then once the food is put away in your kitchen, use it on the beach. Clear bins make the perfect infinity pool ;)
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Even The Keep It Real Mom Does The Social Media Highlight Reel Sometimes
Hello My Friends!
It's been way too long again... Transitioning into a "school age" mom has been interesting and not as inspiring. Whole lotta packing lunches and backpacks and driving kids around. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Just using that saying, just so you know, there was not a lot of wash, rinse, and repeat happening for my hair! Ain't nobody got time for that before school!!
While the school year may not be so blog worthy, I'm discovering that summer with kids who have become used to routine and constant learning/activities is blog worthy. The other day, I did a bad thing. I didn't really do it on purpose, but each post looked like we were having a fabulous, fun-filled day instead of a hot mess of a day that was making me lose my sh...... umm poop
How My Day looked on Social Media:
Super Fun mom makes cool cotton ball play dough
Easy Breezy trip to the bank
Peace at the playground
Having a Splashing good time in the pool
Reality:
A battle had begun even before the breakfast crumbs were spilled
WILL YOU GUYS STOP FIGHTING!
*makes play dough*
I WILL THROW IT OUT IF YOU DON'T START TALKING NICELY TO EACH OTHER
20 minutes of fun playing with it while Sydney gives me a guilt trip for being on my phone
I bake brownies for a picnic this weekend and Nathan performs surgery on a dolphin toy, spilling sand in the bathroom sink and counter
I give up on being productive and ask them what they want to do (after Nathan's LOOONNNGG time out)
Someone's hat craft gets pulled apart before we leave the parking lot to get to the bank
Nathan puts on the charm and secures lollipops at the bank drive thru
A few minutes of sanity at the park
Come home to pack lunch
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S TIME TO GO! BE NICE TO EACH OTHER! WHERE IS YOUR LUNCH BOX? I JUST TOLD YOU TO BRING IT!
Unlock the door so someone can get the lunchbox I handed to them 30 seconds before
Get to the pool
I'm going down the slide first! No, I am! No, I am! Stop! You're being mean!
BOTH OF YOU STOP! You need to be kind to each other and take turns or we will not swim
Please don't splash mommy until she gets used to water
Can mommy have a little space?
Nathan climbs into my inner tube looks like an overgrown ninja turtle loving leech sealed to my back
Okay, let's go. Mommy is done
I had actually woken up with great plans for myself. I was gonna be soooo productive! We've had playdates, swimdates, a trip to the zoo, a 3 day long blanket fort fest, and VBS this past week. Surely, today would be the perfect chill day. Nothing scheduled except for making cotton ball play dough because they were super excited about this cool new activity book they got. I figured that we would make it and I would get my Beachbody work done on the computer while they played. As you can see, that was not how things played out!
I don't think I was intentionally trying to deceive anyone and I think that most of us are in the same boat. Sometimes I post something funny about the situation because if you don't laugh, you'll cry or hide in the closet eating nasty cotton candy flavored ice cream the kids convinced you to buy for a treat ( I don't know what happened! Just so out of practice with shopping with two kids! I just.....) Other times the activity was so much freaking work that you want your efforts out there FOREVER! Don't we warn teens that once you post something on social media, it never goes away?? If I'm doing a pinterest craft, I want the people 100 years in the future to be impressed because that crap is too much everything.... prep,effort,clean up,blood, sweat, and tears! Or sometimes I post because I'm lonely or am desperate for some social interaction that is not poop related or some random, ridiculous question or the good old classic, Why? But Why? Well, how come? Why? How? Why don't you know?
I'm not saying that every day is really a night mare (that day at the zoo was AWESOME!) or that you can't share your great days (PLEASE POST AND GIVE ME IDEAS! Why did I think I was creative enough for Funday fridays????) I'm just trying to check myself and make sure I don't gloss over all the bad all the time (same goes for sharing all the bad all the time) I want to keep it real. We are in this summer struggle together!!!! Moms who are tired of hearing "I am bored!" unite!! If possible at a play date where the kids will entertain each other so we can chat or at a Mom's night out!
It's been way too long again... Transitioning into a "school age" mom has been interesting and not as inspiring. Whole lotta packing lunches and backpacks and driving kids around. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Just using that saying, just so you know, there was not a lot of wash, rinse, and repeat happening for my hair! Ain't nobody got time for that before school!!
While the school year may not be so blog worthy, I'm discovering that summer with kids who have become used to routine and constant learning/activities is blog worthy. The other day, I did a bad thing. I didn't really do it on purpose, but each post looked like we were having a fabulous, fun-filled day instead of a hot mess of a day that was making me lose my sh...... umm poop
How My Day looked on Social Media:
Super Fun mom makes cool cotton ball play dough
Easy Breezy trip to the bank
Peace at the playground
Having a Splashing good time in the pool
Reality:
A battle had begun even before the breakfast crumbs were spilled
WILL YOU GUYS STOP FIGHTING!
*makes play dough*
I WILL THROW IT OUT IF YOU DON'T START TALKING NICELY TO EACH OTHER
20 minutes of fun playing with it while Sydney gives me a guilt trip for being on my phone
I bake brownies for a picnic this weekend and Nathan performs surgery on a dolphin toy, spilling sand in the bathroom sink and counter
I give up on being productive and ask them what they want to do (after Nathan's LOOONNNGG time out)
Someone's hat craft gets pulled apart before we leave the parking lot to get to the bank
Nathan puts on the charm and secures lollipops at the bank drive thru
A few minutes of sanity at the park
Come home to pack lunch
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S TIME TO GO! BE NICE TO EACH OTHER! WHERE IS YOUR LUNCH BOX? I JUST TOLD YOU TO BRING IT!
Unlock the door so someone can get the lunchbox I handed to them 30 seconds before
Get to the pool
I'm going down the slide first! No, I am! No, I am! Stop! You're being mean!
BOTH OF YOU STOP! You need to be kind to each other and take turns or we will not swim
Please don't splash mommy until she gets used to water
Can mommy have a little space?
Nathan climbs into my inner tube looks like an overgrown ninja turtle loving leech sealed to my back
Okay, let's go. Mommy is done
 | |
| the worst part is that the kids did not even notice the crazy hair! | They are used to it |
I had actually woken up with great plans for myself. I was gonna be soooo productive! We've had playdates, swimdates, a trip to the zoo, a 3 day long blanket fort fest, and VBS this past week. Surely, today would be the perfect chill day. Nothing scheduled except for making cotton ball play dough because they were super excited about this cool new activity book they got. I figured that we would make it and I would get my Beachbody work done on the computer while they played. As you can see, that was not how things played out!
I don't think I was intentionally trying to deceive anyone and I think that most of us are in the same boat. Sometimes I post something funny about the situation because if you don't laugh, you'll cry or hide in the closet eating nasty cotton candy flavored ice cream the kids convinced you to buy for a treat ( I don't know what happened! Just so out of practice with shopping with two kids! I just.....) Other times the activity was so much freaking work that you want your efforts out there FOREVER! Don't we warn teens that once you post something on social media, it never goes away?? If I'm doing a pinterest craft, I want the people 100 years in the future to be impressed because that crap is too much everything.... prep,effort,clean up,blood, sweat, and tears! Or sometimes I post because I'm lonely or am desperate for some social interaction that is not poop related or some random, ridiculous question or the good old classic, Why? But Why? Well, how come? Why? How? Why don't you know?
I'm not saying that every day is really a night mare (that day at the zoo was AWESOME!) or that you can't share your great days (PLEASE POST AND GIVE ME IDEAS! Why did I think I was creative enough for Funday fridays????) I'm just trying to check myself and make sure I don't gloss over all the bad all the time (same goes for sharing all the bad all the time) I want to keep it real. We are in this summer struggle together!!!! Moms who are tired of hearing "I am bored!" unite!! If possible at a play date where the kids will entertain each other so we can chat or at a Mom's night out!
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
How to fake being a Morning Person
Yes, we get up at the crack of dawn, but that does NOT make us morning people! We might be up but we are not about to be productive! *shudders* We need time to oh so slowly wake up. We just want to sip our milk and coffee in peace. None of that doing things nonsense.
That was PERFECTLY fine until school. Now we have to be out of the house by 8:15 (blech) with all our stuff and our hair and teeth brushed. It feels like the world is coming to an end if we are rushed through our breakfast and the kids get a little cranky too;)
I've come up with a plan so we can be on time and not ruin my special moment with my oatmeal. I get as many things ready as possible the night before (and by night before, I really mean after I put my pjs back on at 4pm. Not really a fan of doing things after the kids bedtime either!) I pack Sydney's lunch and their snacks and then put backpacks next to the door. We pick out our clothes for the next day and lay them out. If I need to take something extra to school, I put it in my car. I set up the coffeemaker and put their milk in cups in fridge because those 30 second tasks feel like they take 3 days when I first wake up in the morning. Sometimes, I even put their muffins in bowls and stick them in the fridge too. The goal is to do as little as possible. We sit for a long breakfast and then get dressed and brush teeth about 20 minutes before we have to go ( gotta leave a few minutes to rest after all that work!) I highly recommend it for anyone who thinks morning is stupid and annoying!
*disclaimer: things can still happen to cause a last minute rush like socks not "feeling right" or someone decides the perfect time to go to the bathroom is 4.5 seconds before we have to leave
That was PERFECTLY fine until school. Now we have to be out of the house by 8:15 (blech) with all our stuff and our hair and teeth brushed. It feels like the world is coming to an end if we are rushed through our breakfast and the kids get a little cranky too;)
I've come up with a plan so we can be on time and not ruin my special moment with my oatmeal. I get as many things ready as possible the night before (and by night before, I really mean after I put my pjs back on at 4pm. Not really a fan of doing things after the kids bedtime either!) I pack Sydney's lunch and their snacks and then put backpacks next to the door. We pick out our clothes for the next day and lay them out. If I need to take something extra to school, I put it in my car. I set up the coffeemaker and put their milk in cups in fridge because those 30 second tasks feel like they take 3 days when I first wake up in the morning. Sometimes, I even put their muffins in bowls and stick them in the fridge too. The goal is to do as little as possible. We sit for a long breakfast and then get dressed and brush teeth about 20 minutes before we have to go ( gotta leave a few minutes to rest after all that work!) I highly recommend it for anyone who thinks morning is stupid and annoying!
*disclaimer: things can still happen to cause a last minute rush like socks not "feeling right" or someone decides the perfect time to go to the bathroom is 4.5 seconds before we have to leave
Friday, January 20, 2017
BYE FELICIA! Done with this whole week!
First of all, my apologies for the title. I know I'm too old and uncool to use popular lingo or whatever you would call it... oh geez! That's really bad. I should give up now and just start every sentence with "Back in my day..." Okay, back to the original topic. Too much fun this weekend and not enough sleep, a cold, and a whole bunch of little things have made me a sad, crazy mess. But no more! I gotta get myself out of this funk! I'm listing some positive things to get rid of the Doubting Debbie Downer bit I've been doing!
The biggest obstacle this week is all the regrets about my last blog post... I put myself out there and told everyone one I was going to be braver and get out of my comfort zone for Sydney and now *cringes* I have to DO IT! I know myself and knew that I would have "forgotten" all about it if I didn't tell people. I got rid of my emergency exit! You guys know! The Beachbody coach thing is particularly scary and my Debbie Downer alter ego has already decided that I'm going to fail. So the positive part of this??? It was suppose to be a list of positive things, right?? Well, Syd was scared to do things this past weekend and I said to her, "Why are you scared? What is the worst thing that could happen? And if that happens, then what? Will it be so bad? What can we do then?" Guess who needs the same talk?? This is an opportunity to have actions support my words.
The kids each had well checks this week (Getting Nathan's kindergarten registration all ready to go. AHHHH!) And yes, Nathan's appointment lead to questions of testicles, but both appointments went well. I have two very healthy kids and I need to be very thankful and not take that for granted. Bonus points for the doctors and nurses thinking they were so cute and sweet!!
FRIENDS! My friends are always a reason to stay positive. They're freakin' AWESOME! I can always count them to make bad days better with prayer, encouraging and/or funny texts, virtual hugs, perfect memes and gifs for every situation, play dates for our kids *wink, wink*, and letting me hold their precious little babies!!
We went to our friend's 4th birthday dinner. I say "our' friend and not the kids' friend because he is one of my little friends. I enjoy getting to know my friends' kids. I like to think of them as unofficial nieces and nephews. They are awesome, tiny humans who don't know any better and think that I am cool and funny. Plus the more time I spend with them, the more time I have to convert them into Wiggles Fans against their parents' wishes!! What!?! It's gonna be weird when my kids are too old for the concert and I wanna go!
This Wednesday was my Mom-Mom's first birthday in Heaven. It hit me harder than I thought it would. I miss her and I especially miss the times that we would go for walks together. It was like having my very own personal cheerleader. She always believed I was smarter, talented, etc than I actually am (except for funnier, judging by that very special look she had when I was being extra entertaining, I"m the one who thinks I'm funnier than I am!) I think... I hope... That I inherited some of those encouraging genes. I can carry on the tradition with my kids and *gulps* grand kids in the future. Another plus, I inherited her appreciation of Dairy Queen ice cream but not Michael Bolton!
This morning, when asked what we were thankful for before we prayed, my dear sweet Nathan said, "Food and Potties!" Food is always one of his answers but potties was new. First I did that sigh that moms of boys always do and then I asked him why. He said, "Because we have nice potties to go in when I have to poo." There was a real nice pop with the "p" sound when he said it too. He might have been trying to look for a way to include potty talk, but he is right! We take SO MANY things for granted! A nice... more than slightly messy.. house to keep us safe and warm with lovely toilets.
This was a lot of weird rambling! I'm sorry! Hopefully, I didn't totally waste your time if you made it to the end!
The biggest obstacle this week is all the regrets about my last blog post... I put myself out there and told everyone one I was going to be braver and get out of my comfort zone for Sydney and now *cringes* I have to DO IT! I know myself and knew that I would have "forgotten" all about it if I didn't tell people. I got rid of my emergency exit! You guys know! The Beachbody coach thing is particularly scary and my Debbie Downer alter ego has already decided that I'm going to fail. So the positive part of this??? It was suppose to be a list of positive things, right?? Well, Syd was scared to do things this past weekend and I said to her, "Why are you scared? What is the worst thing that could happen? And if that happens, then what? Will it be so bad? What can we do then?" Guess who needs the same talk?? This is an opportunity to have actions support my words.
The kids each had well checks this week (Getting Nathan's kindergarten registration all ready to go. AHHHH!) And yes, Nathan's appointment lead to questions of testicles, but both appointments went well. I have two very healthy kids and I need to be very thankful and not take that for granted. Bonus points for the doctors and nurses thinking they were so cute and sweet!!
FRIENDS! My friends are always a reason to stay positive. They're freakin' AWESOME! I can always count them to make bad days better with prayer, encouraging and/or funny texts, virtual hugs, perfect memes and gifs for every situation, play dates for our kids *wink, wink*, and letting me hold their precious little babies!!
We went to our friend's 4th birthday dinner. I say "our' friend and not the kids' friend because he is one of my little friends. I enjoy getting to know my friends' kids. I like to think of them as unofficial nieces and nephews. They are awesome, tiny humans who don't know any better and think that I am cool and funny. Plus the more time I spend with them, the more time I have to convert them into Wiggles Fans against their parents' wishes!! What!?! It's gonna be weird when my kids are too old for the concert and I wanna go!
This Wednesday was my Mom-Mom's first birthday in Heaven. It hit me harder than I thought it would. I miss her and I especially miss the times that we would go for walks together. It was like having my very own personal cheerleader. She always believed I was smarter, talented, etc than I actually am (except for funnier, judging by that very special look she had when I was being extra entertaining, I"m the one who thinks I'm funnier than I am!) I think... I hope... That I inherited some of those encouraging genes. I can carry on the tradition with my kids and *gulps* grand kids in the future. Another plus, I inherited her appreciation of Dairy Queen ice cream but not Michael Bolton!
This morning, when asked what we were thankful for before we prayed, my dear sweet Nathan said, "Food and Potties!" Food is always one of his answers but potties was new. First I did that sigh that moms of boys always do and then I asked him why. He said, "Because we have nice potties to go in when I have to poo." There was a real nice pop with the "p" sound when he said it too. He might have been trying to look for a way to include potty talk, but he is right! We take SO MANY things for granted! A nice... more than slightly messy.. house to keep us safe and warm with lovely toilets.
This was a lot of weird rambling! I'm sorry! Hopefully, I didn't totally waste your time if you made it to the end!
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Hold up! You're a Beachbody what now?
Okay, I promise to get back to our semi regularly scheduled weirdness after this slightly different post. It still has a lot to do with motherhood and my crazy life.
Having a mini me can be awesome. I can not wait until Sydney is older and we can come up with all the crazy, funny plans together. It was one of the greatest moments ever when Syd and I blurted out the EXACT SAME WRONG SONG LYRICS AT THE EXACT SAME TIME! It was goofiness in stereo. I was proud. It can also break your heart when you watch your mini me struggle with the same things you struggle with. You understand the fear and anxiety so perfectly well. It kills you a little bit because they inherited it from you. Sydney is extremely nervous in new situations or situations where it is not 100% comfortable. Sometimes she is too nervous to try or do things because she doesn't want to make a mistake. She sits on the sidelines or clings to me. I struggle with knowing what to do. I know what thoughts will be running through her head if we try to push her. Pressuring or unintentional bullying will not breed confidence. I don't want to let her give in to those fears either. I turned out alright in the end but we always want better for our kids. I finally realized that the best way to teach her to be brave is to show her... Set an example!
*cringes* *cries* *freaks out* *tries to ignore it* *curls into a ball* I really wanted to pretend that there was a better way, but when your babies need you...
2017: The Year of Uncomfortable Awkwardness (and fondly looking back at my cozy little comfort zone)
Why did I choose to become a Beachbody Coach, besides the fact that it's basically stuffing myself into a cannon and shooting me, flailing through the sky so far away from my comfort zone? I've been using the programs and Shakeology for over a year and a half now. I love it. It works for me.It's become part of my daily life. Muscle are appearing!?! I've been looking at posts and watching other coaches and wishing that I could do that, but I told myself I wasn't good enough. Deep down inside, there is still a little bit of the kinda chubby kid who will probably be one of the last picked for a team in gym class. I still remember ummm "forgetting" to do a lap for the mile run in high school gym because most people were done already. ( I know! Bad Jamie! ) I kept telling myself that I needed to reach some level of near perfection or I'd look like a fraud. It was making me sad and icky inside. One night when I was particularly sad, I was half standing in the pantry closet, picking out the bunches of oats out of Stephen's Honey Bunches of Oats and inhaling them. (YEP! I'm a MONSTER! I left him with a box full of sadness! The bunches are the best part!) I finally looked at myself and said this is STUPID! I'm being DUMB! I made myself reach out to my coach and started asking questions. She helped me see that I had nothing to lose by trying. Sometimes (All. of. the. time.) I can be a moron. It's time to banish the gym class fearing kid and tell my brain to shut it! First of all, perfection is lame. I don't know why I thought I had to be the perfect expert. I created this whole mom blog to be open about my imperfections because I realized sometimes the best help is the "hey, we're stumbling through this together and I care and you're not alone" encouragement. I can do the same with someone trying to get healthy and strong. Second of all, if I could get my old gym teacher to give me a Presidential Fitness Test redo, I would nail it! I did 21 day fix and then moved up to 21 day fix extreme. Then a couple of weeks ago, I decided to switch it up. Cardio is still challenging for me and I hate it so I went with Insanity Max 30!?! My current goal is to just not die! It's sooo challenging for me, like FOR REAL! But I'm gonna keep trying until one day I'm not just surviving.
I'm absolutely terrible at sales so you don't have to worry about me pushing this on you. If you have ever been curious but don't want to ask because you're worried about being pressured. Come ask me! I won't pressure you because I don't think I even have it in me to try, I'd just start sweating a lot. Plus, I know that you need to be ready to commit. You can be scared and clueless and want to throw up when you say yes, but you need to at least whisper, "it's time for change and I'm going try this!" I'm great at encouraging so I can help you along the way and get to you saying, "Hey, I've got this! Now somebody help me up the stairs! It was leg day!" My encouragement will probably be like this because being weird is kinda my thing;)
And have no fear, I'm not abandoning or changing the pastry chef thing. If you're gonna cheat and treat yo self, it better be worth the extra calories! There are still birthday and wedding cakes and special desserts for you when you go out to eat, but I will not be eating all the scraps and brownie trimmings.
Here is my website link which is still a work in progress and needing photos because technology is not my thing and I'm still in the overwhelmed but excited phase:
Beachbodycoach.com/JLFord83
Having a mini me can be awesome. I can not wait until Sydney is older and we can come up with all the crazy, funny plans together. It was one of the greatest moments ever when Syd and I blurted out the EXACT SAME WRONG SONG LYRICS AT THE EXACT SAME TIME! It was goofiness in stereo. I was proud. It can also break your heart when you watch your mini me struggle with the same things you struggle with. You understand the fear and anxiety so perfectly well. It kills you a little bit because they inherited it from you. Sydney is extremely nervous in new situations or situations where it is not 100% comfortable. Sometimes she is too nervous to try or do things because she doesn't want to make a mistake. She sits on the sidelines or clings to me. I struggle with knowing what to do. I know what thoughts will be running through her head if we try to push her. Pressuring or unintentional bullying will not breed confidence. I don't want to let her give in to those fears either. I turned out alright in the end but we always want better for our kids. I finally realized that the best way to teach her to be brave is to show her... Set an example!
*cringes* *cries* *freaks out* *tries to ignore it* *curls into a ball* I really wanted to pretend that there was a better way, but when your babies need you...
2017: The Year of Uncomfortable Awkwardness (and fondly looking back at my cozy little comfort zone)
Why did I choose to become a Beachbody Coach, besides the fact that it's basically stuffing myself into a cannon and shooting me, flailing through the sky so far away from my comfort zone? I've been using the programs and Shakeology for over a year and a half now. I love it. It works for me.It's become part of my daily life. Muscle are appearing!?! I've been looking at posts and watching other coaches and wishing that I could do that, but I told myself I wasn't good enough. Deep down inside, there is still a little bit of the kinda chubby kid who will probably be one of the last picked for a team in gym class. I still remember ummm "forgetting" to do a lap for the mile run in high school gym because most people were done already. ( I know! Bad Jamie! ) I kept telling myself that I needed to reach some level of near perfection or I'd look like a fraud. It was making me sad and icky inside. One night when I was particularly sad, I was half standing in the pantry closet, picking out the bunches of oats out of Stephen's Honey Bunches of Oats and inhaling them. (YEP! I'm a MONSTER! I left him with a box full of sadness! The bunches are the best part!) I finally looked at myself and said this is STUPID! I'm being DUMB! I made myself reach out to my coach and started asking questions. She helped me see that I had nothing to lose by trying. Sometimes (All. of. the. time.) I can be a moron. It's time to banish the gym class fearing kid and tell my brain to shut it! First of all, perfection is lame. I don't know why I thought I had to be the perfect expert. I created this whole mom blog to be open about my imperfections because I realized sometimes the best help is the "hey, we're stumbling through this together and I care and you're not alone" encouragement. I can do the same with someone trying to get healthy and strong. Second of all, if I could get my old gym teacher to give me a Presidential Fitness Test redo, I would nail it! I did 21 day fix and then moved up to 21 day fix extreme. Then a couple of weeks ago, I decided to switch it up. Cardio is still challenging for me and I hate it so I went with Insanity Max 30!?! My current goal is to just not die! It's sooo challenging for me, like FOR REAL! But I'm gonna keep trying until one day I'm not just surviving.
I'm absolutely terrible at sales so you don't have to worry about me pushing this on you. If you have ever been curious but don't want to ask because you're worried about being pressured. Come ask me! I won't pressure you because I don't think I even have it in me to try, I'd just start sweating a lot. Plus, I know that you need to be ready to commit. You can be scared and clueless and want to throw up when you say yes, but you need to at least whisper, "it's time for change and I'm going try this!" I'm great at encouraging so I can help you along the way and get to you saying, "Hey, I've got this! Now somebody help me up the stairs! It was leg day!" My encouragement will probably be like this because being weird is kinda my thing;)
And have no fear, I'm not abandoning or changing the pastry chef thing. If you're gonna cheat and treat yo self, it better be worth the extra calories! There are still birthday and wedding cakes and special desserts for you when you go out to eat, but I will not be eating all the scraps and brownie trimmings.
Here is my website link which is still a work in progress and needing photos because technology is not my thing and I'm still in the overwhelmed but excited phase:
Beachbodycoach.com/JLFord83
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
BUT I WAS READY
The day Sydney did the Race for Education was a embarrassing hot mess. ( Unfit Mother You can read about it here if you don't know, but please read it once and then NEVER again because I want you to forget asap!) I vowed that dreadful day that I would be ready for round two, Nathan's turn!
Two years later and the time had finally come for me to redeem myself and be victorious. Yes! Yes! It's all about the kids and raising money for a great school! Yeah great, but I was gonna look fabulous "supporting" the school this year.
I set out my outfit the night before. No baggy jeans! I bought those trendy wedgie inducing workout pants so I would fit in with the crowd. I layered my tops like a pro so that when I got heated from all the perfect running, I could remove layers and not look like a dweeb. The morning of the event I applied deodorant not once but TWICE!
Nathan was also prepared with his Flash socks and super speed. Even though he was only 2 at the time, he remembered the tractor that starts the race (the photographer rides it to get shots as they start to run.) He was super excited about running after the tractor.
I found myself a good spot on the sidelines so I could watch the first lap and then join in with the rest of the parents. Last time, I couldn't find Syd because she was running very fast. This time I looked a little ahead of his group. Well, Mr. Super Speed wasn't there. Then I looked for him near the other preschoolers. Huh? Nope, don't see him. Okay, maybe the group trailing behind?? Where the heck was he? Those Flash socks clearly weren't doing their thing because there he was..... the very last kid. Shoulders drooping and slowly shuffling his feet as he looked back and frowned. WHAT?!? You've got to be kidding me! This kid!
I ran up to him and he said, "Where did the tractor go? I was gonna chase it?" In the words of Nathan, "Oh Poop!" The tractor was only on the track long enough to get the good shots and then it drove back to were it came from. Nathan could not recover from his disappointment and refused to run AT ALL. We were walking sooooo slowly that I could have walked backwards in a dress and 6 inch heels (and I never ever wear 6 inch heels!!) GRANDPARENTS were leaving us in the dust! He kept complaining that his leg was itchy, he had rocks in his shoe, there were weeds on the track, he wanted to be home, and he wished that the track was a rhombus and not an oval. And that was just the first lap! After the second lap, he was impressed with the 2 holes punched in his card and was ready to call it a day. I could not stop laughing at this situation. Finally, I bribed him with a doughnut hole for each lap he completed. It was enough to get him to walk around a little bit more, but not enough to run. In any other situation I would have been proud because running in the worst, but we need to prove ourselves ;)
In an hour, we did 6 laps. I think that I burned enough calories to sniff a doughnut, but that's about it. I'm just going to mark this down as another example of my kids keeping me on my toes. I need to figure out when they have their secret meetings to plot against me so I can finally win and be a prepared parent at least once in my life.
Well, now I'm off to see if I can rent a tractor for a day so Nathan and I can chase it and I can burn enough calories to eat those doughnuts I'm craving now!!
Two years later and the time had finally come for me to redeem myself and be victorious. Yes! Yes! It's all about the kids and raising money for a great school! Yeah great, but I was gonna look fabulous "supporting" the school this year.
I set out my outfit the night before. No baggy jeans! I bought those trendy wedgie inducing workout pants so I would fit in with the crowd. I layered my tops like a pro so that when I got heated from all the perfect running, I could remove layers and not look like a dweeb. The morning of the event I applied deodorant not once but TWICE!
I stretched like a real pro! I mean just look at that!
Okay, so maybe I still need work! So awkward;)
Nathan was also prepared with his Flash socks and super speed. Even though he was only 2 at the time, he remembered the tractor that starts the race (the photographer rides it to get shots as they start to run.) He was super excited about running after the tractor.
I found myself a good spot on the sidelines so I could watch the first lap and then join in with the rest of the parents. Last time, I couldn't find Syd because she was running very fast. This time I looked a little ahead of his group. Well, Mr. Super Speed wasn't there. Then I looked for him near the other preschoolers. Huh? Nope, don't see him. Okay, maybe the group trailing behind?? Where the heck was he? Those Flash socks clearly weren't doing their thing because there he was..... the very last kid. Shoulders drooping and slowly shuffling his feet as he looked back and frowned. WHAT?!? You've got to be kidding me! This kid!
I ran up to him and he said, "Where did the tractor go? I was gonna chase it?" In the words of Nathan, "Oh Poop!" The tractor was only on the track long enough to get the good shots and then it drove back to were it came from. Nathan could not recover from his disappointment and refused to run AT ALL. We were walking sooooo slowly that I could have walked backwards in a dress and 6 inch heels (and I never ever wear 6 inch heels!!) GRANDPARENTS were leaving us in the dust! He kept complaining that his leg was itchy, he had rocks in his shoe, there were weeds on the track, he wanted to be home, and he wished that the track was a rhombus and not an oval. And that was just the first lap! After the second lap, he was impressed with the 2 holes punched in his card and was ready to call it a day. I could not stop laughing at this situation. Finally, I bribed him with a doughnut hole for each lap he completed. It was enough to get him to walk around a little bit more, but not enough to run. In any other situation I would have been proud because running in the worst, but we need to prove ourselves ;)
In an hour, we did 6 laps. I think that I burned enough calories to sniff a doughnut, but that's about it. I'm just going to mark this down as another example of my kids keeping me on my toes. I need to figure out when they have their secret meetings to plot against me so I can finally win and be a prepared parent at least once in my life.
Well, now I'm off to see if I can rent a tractor for a day so Nathan and I can chase it and I can burn enough calories to eat those doughnuts I'm craving now!!
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Living with my Parents was great
For real! Yes, I'm not just saying that. Nope, I'm not speaking in
code. Why are you winking at me? Ummmm... sure, we can "talk later" but
I'll just tell you the same thing. Honestly! I swear! Am I crazy? Well
yes, but that's beside the point! We lived with my parents for a year
and a month, while we figured out where we wanted to live and waited for
the right house. It wasn't terrible and we weren't trying to get the
heck out of there before we lost our minds! Had it taken longer for the
perfect house to go on the market, we would have been fine living there
longer.
Most of the time when we mention that we were staying at my parents' house, people looked stunned, horrified, confused, or full of pity. They could not comprehend or they thought that we must be in a pit of despair to be desperate enough to move in with my parents. Sure it's a little strange, but hey, we are a strange family.
The plan always was to move into this school district before we had to start thinking about High school. But when I realized that Syd is Jamie 2.0, I knew I couldn't put her through switching school much less school districts. The race was on to get her into kindergarten, but we also wanted the right house for us. I'm not going through this moving nonsense again and again! We won't all make it out alive! My parents offered the perfect solution.
Okay let me just explain the set up because people seem to envision a clown car situation. The kids slept upstairs and Stephen and I slept in the in-law suite. The basement became our lair. We put our couches, tv, computer, and toys down there. Most evenings, the landlords watched their shows in their living room and we hung out in the basement (with the exception of Sydney would need to get some water or go to the bathroom or a snack or a stuffed animal was that in her room or to change her clothes and then never make it back downstairs!)
Another thing that people tended to get wrong was meals. They pictured some 1950s family dinner with everyone gathered around to enjoy a well cooked meal and harmonize together in a little after dinner bonding time. First of all, dinner at my parents' house was NEVER like that. Our friends loved eating at our house because it was more like dinner and a show. Second of all, we are like the worst family to try and feed. I'm vegetarian and Stephen is the complete opposite. Syd only likes a handful of foods. Nathan is the least pickiest and probably the only one you want to come of to your house but then again he'll probably remove his pants half way through dinner. My mom and I pretty much each did our own thing for dinner. Sometimes one of us would make spaghetti noodles for a thousand people or I'd make an extra big pizza or french toast casserole. Every once and a while, I'd have a coupon for some animal flesh and I'd buy it and mom would cook it for the others. And the very best times were when one of us felt lazy and convinced the other that we should order Chinese food take out;) What I miss the most is being able to buy vegetables on sale and not having to be the only one eating it! There is only so most cabbage or brussel sprouts a single person can eat in a week!
I know that my parents were perfectly fine with the arrangement too, although they really did work their butts off to help us move! Everything was literally moved and unpacked in one weekend! My dad was drenched in sweat from hauling all the furniture and my mom happily jumped in and scrubbed all my pots and pans so we could eat here. Well, on second thought...... Just kidding! They busted their butts helping sell the old house and move into their house too. And I know they were sad to see us go even if my dad took so much joy in pointing out every single thing of ours that wasn't packed up yet!
My only regret is that several years ago, I wrote up a contract for my brother, sister, and I about who had to do what when my parents got old. I created a point system and whoever had the most points had to take them in. One of the sections had a point for every year we lived at home after we first moved away and extra points were added for each person you brought with you. I think that I may have more points than my sister now :(
My only real regret is that one time that the kids scratched the hardwood floor so, so bad and I hid it. I feel so terrible after all the things that they have done for us....
And cue my parents exploding in 3...2..1... Just kidding!!!(I bet all my relatives let out a gasp of horror!) Gotta cause some grey hairs from the other side of the bike trail;) Yep, we moved to a house that is close enough that we can walk to their house.
Most of the time when we mention that we were staying at my parents' house, people looked stunned, horrified, confused, or full of pity. They could not comprehend or they thought that we must be in a pit of despair to be desperate enough to move in with my parents. Sure it's a little strange, but hey, we are a strange family.
The plan always was to move into this school district before we had to start thinking about High school. But when I realized that Syd is Jamie 2.0, I knew I couldn't put her through switching school much less school districts. The race was on to get her into kindergarten, but we also wanted the right house for us. I'm not going through this moving nonsense again and again! We won't all make it out alive! My parents offered the perfect solution.
Okay let me just explain the set up because people seem to envision a clown car situation. The kids slept upstairs and Stephen and I slept in the in-law suite. The basement became our lair. We put our couches, tv, computer, and toys down there. Most evenings, the landlords watched their shows in their living room and we hung out in the basement (with the exception of Sydney would need to get some water or go to the bathroom or a snack or a stuffed animal was that in her room or to change her clothes and then never make it back downstairs!)
Another thing that people tended to get wrong was meals. They pictured some 1950s family dinner with everyone gathered around to enjoy a well cooked meal and harmonize together in a little after dinner bonding time. First of all, dinner at my parents' house was NEVER like that. Our friends loved eating at our house because it was more like dinner and a show. Second of all, we are like the worst family to try and feed. I'm vegetarian and Stephen is the complete opposite. Syd only likes a handful of foods. Nathan is the least pickiest and probably the only one you want to come of to your house but then again he'll probably remove his pants half way through dinner. My mom and I pretty much each did our own thing for dinner. Sometimes one of us would make spaghetti noodles for a thousand people or I'd make an extra big pizza or french toast casserole. Every once and a while, I'd have a coupon for some animal flesh and I'd buy it and mom would cook it for the others. And the very best times were when one of us felt lazy and convinced the other that we should order Chinese food take out;) What I miss the most is being able to buy vegetables on sale and not having to be the only one eating it! There is only so most cabbage or brussel sprouts a single person can eat in a week!
I know that my parents were perfectly fine with the arrangement too, although they really did work their butts off to help us move! Everything was literally moved and unpacked in one weekend! My dad was drenched in sweat from hauling all the furniture and my mom happily jumped in and scrubbed all my pots and pans so we could eat here. Well, on second thought...... Just kidding! They busted their butts helping sell the old house and move into their house too. And I know they were sad to see us go even if my dad took so much joy in pointing out every single thing of ours that wasn't packed up yet!
My only regret is that several years ago, I wrote up a contract for my brother, sister, and I about who had to do what when my parents got old. I created a point system and whoever had the most points had to take them in. One of the sections had a point for every year we lived at home after we first moved away and extra points were added for each person you brought with you. I think that I may have more points than my sister now :(
My only real regret is that one time that the kids scratched the hardwood floor so, so bad and I hid it. I feel so terrible after all the things that they have done for us....
And cue my parents exploding in 3...2..1... Just kidding!!!(I bet all my relatives let out a gasp of horror!) Gotta cause some grey hairs from the other side of the bike trail;) Yep, we moved to a house that is close enough that we can walk to their house.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Beach Vacations with Kids! It gets BETTER!
Or maybe I got smarter or the bag of candy we pack got bigger... Yea, you're right! Definitely gotta be the candy option. Me smarter? Not so much!
I'd say that this summer's vacation was the best one yet. There was the typical "are we there yet?" on the way down and whining on the trip home (I really tried not to whine, but can you blame me?) But throughout the week, Stephen and I couldn't believe how much easier everything felt. My newest niece was the same age as Syd was on her first beach trip so it brought back a lot of nightmares... I mean memories. I remember vacations with babies and toddlers being SO EXHAUSTING!! You wind up returning as a zombie with sand in tragic places and the entire contents of your house jammed into your van, waiting to be returned to their proper place. You think that this is it. This is your life now. Why the heck didn't you appreciate your pre-kid vacations more?? Never going on vacation again! It'll never get better!
But it does! Hang in there! The days of bringing little plates/bowls/utensils, sippy cups, pack and plays, high chairs, boppy, tons up toys, and all the back up outfits will end! One glorious day you will be able to head to the beach with one bag of the sunblock, towels, goggles,and snacks! They even carry their own water bottle and bucket!Miracles do happen!!
Our days consisted of alternating between playing on the beach and swimming in the pool with small breaks for lunch or snacks. We had enough energy to volunteer to watch our niece and nephew at the pool too. One morning, I made all the kids truck and sunflower shaped pancakes! What the what!?! Crazy! I know!
There are a few things that definitely helped:
* Divide and conquer! Nathan loves the sand and Syd is part fish so Stephen and I take turns with each.Take turns giving each other little breaks. That way no one tells the other that they really want to punch the other in the face.
*Vacation with family/close friends ( if they're not crazy or at least crazy but helpful) The kids had extra people to play with and toys to share. We had someone to keep an eye on the kids if we wanted to go for a walk on the beach at night. Date night is good for the sanity! Plus, if your vacation isn't so relaxing, you are still making lots of fun family memories. (But don't plan on everyone doing EVERYTHING together! Too many little routines to coordinate! And pushing cranky kids to do more...nobody wins!)
*Pack lots of candy. Candy is magical! Chocolate can decrease your chances of hurting people. The sugary stuff can give you that boost to play longer with your kids. Candy can encourage.kids to get out of the pool when your "I'm yelling at you on the inside because we are in public" crazy eyes don't work. Also silence can be cherry flavored when you hand your kids a lollipop in the car!!
* Take your expectations and lower them and then lower them even more. Before we left, I was little crazy thinking about all the things that we needed to fit in one week. My friend thought that I was a little(a lot) nutty and helped me to chill out and remember that I was spending a week on the BEACH! I narrowed down my to do list to
1.Probably take some family photos on the beach only caring if I look good ;)
2. Have some sort of date with Stephen
3. Possibly go to one of the places to visit if we need a break from the beach
4. Work out a couple of mornings because CANDY
I was more relaxed! Photos got taken! We went out to eat once and saw the sand dunes. Everyone was happy and sandy.
* Dig a hole! Free Babysitting! My brother is the master hole digger on vacation. He carves out seats and makes different rooms and steps to walk in each section. The kids love hanging out in it! Sometimes there is a trench for the water to go through and make a pool! Be smart and safe though! And fill it up when you are done!
I hope this doesn't sounds like bragging! I just really wanted all my weary friends to have a glimmer of hope that one sweet day they won't feel like caffeinated death on the beach!
I'd say that this summer's vacation was the best one yet. There was the typical "are we there yet?" on the way down and whining on the trip home (I really tried not to whine, but can you blame me?) But throughout the week, Stephen and I couldn't believe how much easier everything felt. My newest niece was the same age as Syd was on her first beach trip so it brought back a lot of nightmares... I mean memories. I remember vacations with babies and toddlers being SO EXHAUSTING!! You wind up returning as a zombie with sand in tragic places and the entire contents of your house jammed into your van, waiting to be returned to their proper place. You think that this is it. This is your life now. Why the heck didn't you appreciate your pre-kid vacations more?? Never going on vacation again! It'll never get better!
But it does! Hang in there! The days of bringing little plates/bowls/utensils, sippy cups, pack and plays, high chairs, boppy, tons up toys, and all the back up outfits will end! One glorious day you will be able to head to the beach with one bag of the sunblock, towels, goggles,and snacks! They even carry their own water bottle and bucket!Miracles do happen!!
Our days consisted of alternating between playing on the beach and swimming in the pool with small breaks for lunch or snacks. We had enough energy to volunteer to watch our niece and nephew at the pool too. One morning, I made all the kids truck and sunflower shaped pancakes! What the what!?! Crazy! I know!
There are a few things that definitely helped:
* Divide and conquer! Nathan loves the sand and Syd is part fish so Stephen and I take turns with each.Take turns giving each other little breaks. That way no one tells the other that they really want to punch the other in the face.
*Vacation with family/close friends ( if they're not crazy or at least crazy but helpful) The kids had extra people to play with and toys to share. We had someone to keep an eye on the kids if we wanted to go for a walk on the beach at night. Date night is good for the sanity! Plus, if your vacation isn't so relaxing, you are still making lots of fun family memories. (But don't plan on everyone doing EVERYTHING together! Too many little routines to coordinate! And pushing cranky kids to do more...nobody wins!)
*Pack lots of candy. Candy is magical! Chocolate can decrease your chances of hurting people. The sugary stuff can give you that boost to play longer with your kids. Candy can encourage.kids to get out of the pool when your "I'm yelling at you on the inside because we are in public" crazy eyes don't work. Also silence can be cherry flavored when you hand your kids a lollipop in the car!!
* Take your expectations and lower them and then lower them even more. Before we left, I was little crazy thinking about all the things that we needed to fit in one week. My friend thought that I was a little(a lot) nutty and helped me to chill out and remember that I was spending a week on the BEACH! I narrowed down my to do list to
1.Probably take some family photos on the beach only caring if I look good ;)
2. Have some sort of date with Stephen
3. Possibly go to one of the places to visit if we need a break from the beach
4. Work out a couple of mornings because CANDY
I was more relaxed! Photos got taken! We went out to eat once and saw the sand dunes. Everyone was happy and sandy.
* Dig a hole! Free Babysitting! My brother is the master hole digger on vacation. He carves out seats and makes different rooms and steps to walk in each section. The kids love hanging out in it! Sometimes there is a trench for the water to go through and make a pool! Be smart and safe though! And fill it up when you are done!
I hope this doesn't sounds like bragging! I just really wanted all my weary friends to have a glimmer of hope that one sweet day they won't feel like caffeinated death on the beach!
Friday, June 3, 2016
Remembering Mom-Mom
It has been a couple of weeks since Mom-Mom passed away. I'm sure
that she has been extremely busy in Heaven telling a brand new audience
that she has two daughters but they are as different as night and day.
Yes, all of Heaven probably knows the my mom was the quiet and
uncoordinated one! I know that Mom-Mom must be spending hours and hours
watching her great grand kids (and puppies) because this is her first
chance to truly see them. I hope that in Heaven you never have to worry
about peeing your pants because she will definitely be laughing that
hard at all their crazy antics. And we can't forget that this is the
first time that she has seen Michael Bolton without the mullet so there
will be some time debating with or without. Once she has had her fill of
watching the little ones and handsome singer, I'm sure she"ll notice
the not as cute crowd and our lingering sadness. I bet she would want
to tell us "Listen, Presch (short for precious), don't cry! I'm where I
always wanted to be!" And it's very true! I remember way back in middle
school when she and I would go for walks. She would tell me not to "pray
her back" if something happens. She was my ride, so I was clearly
planning to ignore those wishes at the time, but I understood that she
wanted to meet her brother, see her mom, and most importantly, be with
Jesus! Mom-Mom loved the Lord and had a very strong
faith. I remember many a Sunday mornings, when she lived with us, when
we were struggling to get ready for Sunday School. We would go into her
apartment for extra mirror space or hair dryer use. Mom-Mom was already
dressed, had devotions, prayed, and watched at least one sermon as she
drank her cup of Sanka. She was ALWAYS up for a ride to the local
Christian book store for new books. We will treasure all those books
filled with her hand written notes.
She also loved to watch movies. I think that she would want us to think back on her life the same way she watched movies. Fast forward through the sad parts and watch the happy moments over and over again! So here are a few good parts.....
Mom-Mom liked to laugh and this craziness ended with lots of laughter. The rest of the family was away and it was just me and her at home. I was working on a small wedding cake order for an anniversary party. I ALWAYS turn the oven on first and set the temperature before I start a project, so you can imagine my surprise when I went to put the pans in the oven and it was COLD. Immediately, I panicked and yelled for help because I didn't want my sponge cake to deflate! Mom-Mom jumped up, turned her oven on, and helped me recover from my freak out. I think we were watching a movie in her room when all of a sudden, we smelled something burning. Her small oven is like a blazing inferno, and despite setting it at a lower than normal temp, the very tops of the cakes were browning too fast. Cue more panic and more of Mom-Mom handling the crisis and my crazy! After the cakes cooled, we assessed the damage and decided that I could easily trim the top and the rest would be fine. And because I have super awesome luck, the people who asked me to make the cake called and said they were heading over to drop off a photo of the wedding cake I was supposed to copy. THE ENTIRE HOUSE SMELLED LIKE BURNT CAKE! That's the last thing you want your cake customers to smell. Mom-Mom hid the evidence and there was a tornado of windows opening and candles being lit. We laughed and laughed after they left and rejoiced that we survived the whole ordeal. I brought the cakes back over to our side of the house and walked out of the kitchen for a minute or two. I walked back into the kitchen and screamed and dropped to the floor!! Mom-Mom rushed over and asked what happened and I couldn't even speak. I had gone to my crazy place and was doing the insane scary laughing thing. Missy, our stupid dog, had somehow climbed up and eaten half of the 9 inch cake and all that was left of the 6 inch was about 3 crumbs and the cardboard circle on the floor. Mom-Mom yelled, "Missy, what have you done? She's gonna kill you! Good Lord, Missy! Are you crazy?" Had I been by myself, I would have probably cried myself to sleep as I rocked back and forth in a corner. Mom-Mom helped me laugh and then shared her oil and flour with me so I could start again. She also kept Missy in her apartment but I'm not sure if she was helping me or the dog;)
There was another time when Mom-Mom was definitely trying to protect the dog. As you can tell from the last story, Missy loved to eat things and that dog was not my best friend. The dog also liked to swallow socks and hair scrunchies whole. One day, I was going to do my laundry and I found one of my socks already in the washing machine and wet. Upon further inspection, I realized that the once white cow was now brown. Dear sweet Mom-Mom was worried that I would be upset with the dog for swallowing and puking up one of my cute socks so she rinsed it and planned to wash it before I saw it. I had to tell her that once a sock has been inside the dog, I really don't want it back. She can toss it and I won't be mad. I'm still to this day unsure if I've actually worn socks that did a little time in Missy's stomach!?!
Mom-Mom was a sweet, generous, animal loving lady, but she was also tough as nails. She had an amazingly high pain tolerance! I'll never forget when she broke her arm. She tripped over the curb and fell on her way to buy ice cream. She wouldn't have said anything to us, but she needed some ice because her wrist was a little sore. She seemed like she wasn't hurt too bad and was joking that it was a sign that she needed to cut back on the sweets, but when I took a closer look, I knew she was not fine!!! Her wrist was pointing up and her hand was pointing down! I told her we need to go to the ER right now, but she kept insisting that it wasn't that bad. We went back and forth for a while until DJ, the expert on having broken bones, agreed that she needed to get it looked out. The whole time she argued with the nurse that it was probably just a sprain and the nurse told her, "honey, even without an x-ray, I can tell you that it's broken!" It was so broken that she needed a couple of pins, but she acted like I do when I stub my toe... Actually, I think that I am more dramatic when I stub my toe.
My all-time favorite memory is one of the many injury free trips for ice cream. She would often take us to Dairy Queen for some cones and then we would drive around and enjoy the scenery. I was sitting in the front seat and we had the music up and the windows down. We were loving life. All of a sudden, we heard my brother screaming, "ROLL UP THE WINDOWS! ROLL. UP. THE. WINDOWS!" Mom-Mom and I both looked back and LOST IT! DJ's chocolate jimmies (or what some call sprinkles) flew off the ice cream cone he was clutching with his two little hands and landed all over his face, his shirt, and the seat. Apparently, the breeze from the windows was stronger in the back seat. He was squinting his eye to protect them from the flying sweet debris. Pretty sure we laughed for hours!!
I love you and miss you, Mom-Mom!
Sorry for the times I got bored,sat on Kristen, and yelled, "Mom-Mom, help! Kristen's hurting me!"
Sorry for the times when DJ didn't appreciate my older sister wisdom and I fought with him!
Well, thanks for putting up with us every summer while mom worked.
I miss those "you are completely nuts, but I love you" looks you always gave me!
Thanks for always saving seats for us at Church in your favorite row (We still sit there. We tried to move up but it felt too weird and we moved back)
Thanks for sitting through all those meals when we were so uncouth!
And with that, sorry for burping in front of you!
Thanks for all the money that you didn't really have to give but gave anyway (yeah, I'm sure DJ thanks you double for his extra large portion!)
Thanks for showing up at every Grandparent's day at school!
Thanks for the million things you did that we were too young to notice!
She also loved to watch movies. I think that she would want us to think back on her life the same way she watched movies. Fast forward through the sad parts and watch the happy moments over and over again! So here are a few good parts.....
Mom-Mom liked to laugh and this craziness ended with lots of laughter. The rest of the family was away and it was just me and her at home. I was working on a small wedding cake order for an anniversary party. I ALWAYS turn the oven on first and set the temperature before I start a project, so you can imagine my surprise when I went to put the pans in the oven and it was COLD. Immediately, I panicked and yelled for help because I didn't want my sponge cake to deflate! Mom-Mom jumped up, turned her oven on, and helped me recover from my freak out. I think we were watching a movie in her room when all of a sudden, we smelled something burning. Her small oven is like a blazing inferno, and despite setting it at a lower than normal temp, the very tops of the cakes were browning too fast. Cue more panic and more of Mom-Mom handling the crisis and my crazy! After the cakes cooled, we assessed the damage and decided that I could easily trim the top and the rest would be fine. And because I have super awesome luck, the people who asked me to make the cake called and said they were heading over to drop off a photo of the wedding cake I was supposed to copy. THE ENTIRE HOUSE SMELLED LIKE BURNT CAKE! That's the last thing you want your cake customers to smell. Mom-Mom hid the evidence and there was a tornado of windows opening and candles being lit. We laughed and laughed after they left and rejoiced that we survived the whole ordeal. I brought the cakes back over to our side of the house and walked out of the kitchen for a minute or two. I walked back into the kitchen and screamed and dropped to the floor!! Mom-Mom rushed over and asked what happened and I couldn't even speak. I had gone to my crazy place and was doing the insane scary laughing thing. Missy, our stupid dog, had somehow climbed up and eaten half of the 9 inch cake and all that was left of the 6 inch was about 3 crumbs and the cardboard circle on the floor. Mom-Mom yelled, "Missy, what have you done? She's gonna kill you! Good Lord, Missy! Are you crazy?" Had I been by myself, I would have probably cried myself to sleep as I rocked back and forth in a corner. Mom-Mom helped me laugh and then shared her oil and flour with me so I could start again. She also kept Missy in her apartment but I'm not sure if she was helping me or the dog;)
There was another time when Mom-Mom was definitely trying to protect the dog. As you can tell from the last story, Missy loved to eat things and that dog was not my best friend. The dog also liked to swallow socks and hair scrunchies whole. One day, I was going to do my laundry and I found one of my socks already in the washing machine and wet. Upon further inspection, I realized that the once white cow was now brown. Dear sweet Mom-Mom was worried that I would be upset with the dog for swallowing and puking up one of my cute socks so she rinsed it and planned to wash it before I saw it. I had to tell her that once a sock has been inside the dog, I really don't want it back. She can toss it and I won't be mad. I'm still to this day unsure if I've actually worn socks that did a little time in Missy's stomach!?!
Mom-Mom was a sweet, generous, animal loving lady, but she was also tough as nails. She had an amazingly high pain tolerance! I'll never forget when she broke her arm. She tripped over the curb and fell on her way to buy ice cream. She wouldn't have said anything to us, but she needed some ice because her wrist was a little sore. She seemed like she wasn't hurt too bad and was joking that it was a sign that she needed to cut back on the sweets, but when I took a closer look, I knew she was not fine!!! Her wrist was pointing up and her hand was pointing down! I told her we need to go to the ER right now, but she kept insisting that it wasn't that bad. We went back and forth for a while until DJ, the expert on having broken bones, agreed that she needed to get it looked out. The whole time she argued with the nurse that it was probably just a sprain and the nurse told her, "honey, even without an x-ray, I can tell you that it's broken!" It was so broken that she needed a couple of pins, but she acted like I do when I stub my toe... Actually, I think that I am more dramatic when I stub my toe.
My all-time favorite memory is one of the many injury free trips for ice cream. She would often take us to Dairy Queen for some cones and then we would drive around and enjoy the scenery. I was sitting in the front seat and we had the music up and the windows down. We were loving life. All of a sudden, we heard my brother screaming, "ROLL UP THE WINDOWS! ROLL. UP. THE. WINDOWS!" Mom-Mom and I both looked back and LOST IT! DJ's chocolate jimmies (or what some call sprinkles) flew off the ice cream cone he was clutching with his two little hands and landed all over his face, his shirt, and the seat. Apparently, the breeze from the windows was stronger in the back seat. He was squinting his eye to protect them from the flying sweet debris. Pretty sure we laughed for hours!!
I love you and miss you, Mom-Mom!
Sorry for the times I got bored,sat on Kristen, and yelled, "Mom-Mom, help! Kristen's hurting me!"
Sorry for the times when DJ didn't appreciate my older sister wisdom and I fought with him!
Well, thanks for putting up with us every summer while mom worked.
I miss those "you are completely nuts, but I love you" looks you always gave me!
Thanks for always saving seats for us at Church in your favorite row (We still sit there. We tried to move up but it felt too weird and we moved back)
Thanks for sitting through all those meals when we were so uncouth!
And with that, sorry for burping in front of you!
Thanks for all the money that you didn't really have to give but gave anyway (yeah, I'm sure DJ thanks you double for his extra large portion!)
Thanks for showing up at every Grandparent's day at school!
Thanks for the million things you did that we were too young to notice!
Sunday, May 15, 2016
The process of doing laundry when you absolutely hate it
See that it's time to do laundry and put it off for another day
Put it off for one more day
Promise yourself that you'll do it tomorrow
Put it off for one more day
Open your underwear drawer and realize that all you have left is that pair that causes a wedgie so fierce that you regret the day you were born (but you keep it for emergencies like this)
Throw a load of wash into the machine
Spend the day hating everything and everybody
Remember to throw the wash in the dryer right after you get perfectly comfortable in bed
Pull out a clean pair of underwear in the morning and leave the rest in the dryer
Gain a whole new positive outlook on life as you walk around in comfort
Leave the clean clothes in the dryer again
Pull out outfits for the kids
Three days later, empty the dryer
Strategically place the hamper full of unfolded clean clothes near your husband's side of the bed
Return home from work late at night and trip over the hamper of unfolded clothes that magically moved
Ignore the hamper for 3 more days except for occasional sock searches
Get sick of walking around pile of dirty laundry waiting for occupied hamper and dump clean unfolded
clothes on your husband's side of the bed
Find unfolded clothes all over your side of the bed after you put the kids to sleep
Push all the clothes in a pile on the floor except for your ugliest, frumpiest PJs. YOU'RE WEARING THEM
TO BED TONIGHT! thinks he can pass off the laundry after I pass it off to him
Avoid eye contact with pile of laundry for a day
Start folding and give up a quarter of the way through and vow to finish before bed
Look at the piles and decide you don't have the strength to fold anymore
Place piles neatly on the floor and go to bed
Listen to your children walking through the piles as they wake you up at the crack of dawn the next morning
Decide that today is the day you tackle the laundry like a true adult
Spend an hour mentally preparing yourself
Walk around saying "I should really start folding the laundry" to no one in particular repeatedly
Make a large cup of coffee and turn on your favorite TV show
Sigh
Whine
Fold one shirt
Sigh
Fold two more shirts
Sigh
Check Facebook
Sigh
Fold again
Check Facebook
Sigh
Fold again
Sigh
Check Facebook and wish you had more interesting friends (SORRY GUYS! JUST KIDDING!)
Buckle down and fold half of it
Decide to celebrate all your progress with a treat
Grab some ice cream and decide to take a break because a calorie splurge deserves your FULL attention
Return to folding three hours later
Sigh
Seriously consider becoming a nudist
Catch reflection in the mirror and NOPE, NOPE, NOPE! Nudist colony not an option!
Sigh
Fold a few things
Check Facebook
Text a friend "Laundry is the worst!"
Sigh
Fold a shirt
Reply to friends text with "I know, right!?!"
Finish folding
Leave hamper of newly folded clothes in the living room
Move it to the stairs
Walk by it all day
Write a blog about laundry to avoid putting clothes away
*disclaimer* Stephen does his own laundry and folds better than I do when I ask him to fold our laundry like an adult and not a passive aggressive crazy wife ;)
Monday, May 9, 2016
Understanding your child's hunger
Just a few things that I've discovered along the way. All subject to change as soon as you've figured it out and planned accordingly
Times your child is not hungry:
*When you say it's time for breakfast, lunch, or dinner
*When you have made something for their sibling to eat
*When you say "I'm about to [insert task like shower, work out, make phone call]. Do you want something to eat for I start?"
* When the pantry is bursting with their favorite snacks
* When you take them to an all you can eat buffet (like Shady Maple)
* 30 minutes before you have to be somewhere
* When you felt inspired (or guilty and wanted to prove that you aren't always a hot mess) and spent hours searching Pinterest and found a how to guide for folding apple slices into origami woodland creatures. Then clicked on the link to directions on making all natural food dye from local fruits and veggies and tears from free range unicorns (gathered with a cruelty free method)
Times when your child will be STARVING:
* 2 minutes and 15 seconds after you have given up and thrown out their meal or if it's dinner, 2 minutes and 15 seconds before bedtime
* 10 minutes after you made their sibling something to eat and put it all away
* 2 minutes into your shower or 8 minutes into your work out when you just get your heart rate up or only 1/3 of the way through your reps
* When you should have gone grocery shopping four days ago and you finally gave away the surplus of their favorite snack that they claimed they didn't like anymore
* When you are driving home from the special all you can eat buffet and stopped at rest stop where a cheese stick is $12 and candy is a plenty
* 30 seconds after you yell, "GO! GO! GO! We're gonna be late! We gotta get in the car!"
* When all the perfect moms are at the park and you ran out the door without snacks. The kids whine as loudly as possible and your only option is that mystery sandwich bag of snack bits buried in your diaper bag. Wait, is that mold? Wait, no, they're choc chips. WAIT! When the heck was the last time I bought those? Aren't they a special limited edition flavor from last year? I think all the moms are looking at me. Even the kids are looking at my kids with sympathy as they eat their snacks that coordinate with the theme their trendy designer clothes.
Times your child is not hungry:
*When you say it's time for breakfast, lunch, or dinner
*When you have made something for their sibling to eat
*When you say "I'm about to [insert task like shower, work out, make phone call]. Do you want something to eat for I start?"
* When the pantry is bursting with their favorite snacks
* When you take them to an all you can eat buffet (like Shady Maple)
* 30 minutes before you have to be somewhere
* When you felt inspired (or guilty and wanted to prove that you aren't always a hot mess) and spent hours searching Pinterest and found a how to guide for folding apple slices into origami woodland creatures. Then clicked on the link to directions on making all natural food dye from local fruits and veggies and tears from free range unicorns (gathered with a cruelty free method)
Times when your child will be STARVING:
* 2 minutes and 15 seconds after you have given up and thrown out their meal or if it's dinner, 2 minutes and 15 seconds before bedtime
* 10 minutes after you made their sibling something to eat and put it all away
* 2 minutes into your shower or 8 minutes into your work out when you just get your heart rate up or only 1/3 of the way through your reps
* When you should have gone grocery shopping four days ago and you finally gave away the surplus of their favorite snack that they claimed they didn't like anymore
* When you are driving home from the special all you can eat buffet and stopped at rest stop where a cheese stick is $12 and candy is a plenty
* 30 seconds after you yell, "GO! GO! GO! We're gonna be late! We gotta get in the car!"
* When all the perfect moms are at the park and you ran out the door without snacks. The kids whine as loudly as possible and your only option is that mystery sandwich bag of snack bits buried in your diaper bag. Wait, is that mold? Wait, no, they're choc chips. WAIT! When the heck was the last time I bought those? Aren't they a special limited edition flavor from last year? I think all the moms are looking at me. Even the kids are looking at my kids with sympathy as they eat their snacks that coordinate with the theme their trendy designer clothes.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
It's finally Funny
I wanted to blog about this for a while, but I wanted to wait until we weathered the storm and I could look back on it and laugh instead of sob and rock back and forth in a corner. I was convinced that this blog would never happen, but the other week, Nathan said the most wonderful words that I have ever heard:
"mom, I peed on potty at school and I tried to poop too,"
It was like music to my ears! There was much rejoicing! You're probably a little confused and possibly scared so let's start from the beginning when preschool nearly killed me.....
ALL summer I stressed about Kindergarten! New school! New procedures! New friends! New Schedule! Will Syd be okay? Will I be okay? I know practically nothing about what to expect, but I better not give that away! I could freak Syd out! SO MUCH INNER TURMOIL!! Thank goodness for preschool! It's going to be a piece of cake! PIECE. OF. CAKE! I know exactly what to expect! I know the drill! I know the teachers! Nathan knows the drill! He even cried when we dropped off the registerstration papers because he wanted to start school that day! Preschool is gonna be so easy!!
WHEN WILL I LEARN!?! WHY AM I SO STUPID!?! I should know by now that I am always wrong! You all probably figured it out like 10 blog posts ago!
After two years of trying to sneak into Sydney's class, I was surprised that Nathan didn't want me to leave him. Fortunately, some play tools made everything better. I could relax. It was going to be okay (HA! I'm such an idiot!) Sydney and I went off to enjoy the rest of our morning. We were coloring and having a blast when I got a call from Nathan's school.
"Hello, Mrs. Ford? Nathan is fine but his teacher asked me to give you a call. He had a little accident and his shoes got soaked too. He's running around in his socks, but if you want you can drop off shoes, I can take them to his class."
Whaaat!?! Syd and I hopped in the car and flew to the school to deliver his shoes. Then I eventually calmed down and stopped worrying about the long term effects of an embarrassing first day of school. We hung out at a near by park until it was pick up time. The calm feeling did not last.
Nathan was close to the beginning of the line, but dismissed last. His teacher motioned for me to come closer and that's when I saw his wet pair of back up shorts:( He peed himself AGAIN on the playground right before they came inside to leave. I stripped him down, put him in his seat, and silently let the tears fall.
I called my mom and cried. I called my sister and cried. I cried as I messaged my friend who also teaches at his preschool. Full failure mom panic mode seemed like the only way to go after the terrible first first day of school. Have I ruined his life? Will I have to pull him out of preschool? Am I the worst parent ever? They'll never believe that he is potty trained? Will I have to homeschool him and let him pee outside like an animal? Am I the worst mother ever?
We spent the next day talking up how great the school potty was. Poor Sydney had to go on and on about how much she loved peeing on the potty at school. I promised him candy. My mom promised him candy from her office. I vowed to feed him dry cereal for breakfast from now on.
The second day of school, he peed himself. And the next day. And the next. The first 2 months of school, he peed himself at least once a week and he only has school TWO DAYS a week! Syd and I would wait in the parking lot right before pick up and stalk the play ground. Which pair of pants is he wearing? What color did he wear this morning? Are they the same? I think they are the same. Are they? ARE THEY???
Eventually, I gave up trying to get him to go potty on his own at school and some how got him to pee as soon as we got there if I put him on the potty. There may have been some screaming and some forcing him to bend his angry locked body so he would sit down. Then one glorious day in March, he told his teacher that he had to go potty and that he needed some help. After he was done, he came to the bathroom door with one shoe off and one leg of his pants off and his underwear all wrapped around his pants, but he finally peed in the potty at school!
I think we still owe him about 1,000 toys from all our attempts to bribe him to go;)
"mom, I peed on potty at school and I tried to poop too,"
It was like music to my ears! There was much rejoicing! You're probably a little confused and possibly scared so let's start from the beginning when preschool nearly killed me.....
ALL summer I stressed about Kindergarten! New school! New procedures! New friends! New Schedule! Will Syd be okay? Will I be okay? I know practically nothing about what to expect, but I better not give that away! I could freak Syd out! SO MUCH INNER TURMOIL!! Thank goodness for preschool! It's going to be a piece of cake! PIECE. OF. CAKE! I know exactly what to expect! I know the drill! I know the teachers! Nathan knows the drill! He even cried when we dropped off the registerstration papers because he wanted to start school that day! Preschool is gonna be so easy!!
WHEN WILL I LEARN!?! WHY AM I SO STUPID!?! I should know by now that I am always wrong! You all probably figured it out like 10 blog posts ago!
After two years of trying to sneak into Sydney's class, I was surprised that Nathan didn't want me to leave him. Fortunately, some play tools made everything better. I could relax. It was going to be okay (HA! I'm such an idiot!) Sydney and I went off to enjoy the rest of our morning. We were coloring and having a blast when I got a call from Nathan's school.
"Hello, Mrs. Ford? Nathan is fine but his teacher asked me to give you a call. He had a little accident and his shoes got soaked too. He's running around in his socks, but if you want you can drop off shoes, I can take them to his class."
Whaaat!?! Syd and I hopped in the car and flew to the school to deliver his shoes. Then I eventually calmed down and stopped worrying about the long term effects of an embarrassing first day of school. We hung out at a near by park until it was pick up time. The calm feeling did not last.
Nathan was close to the beginning of the line, but dismissed last. His teacher motioned for me to come closer and that's when I saw his wet pair of back up shorts:( He peed himself AGAIN on the playground right before they came inside to leave. I stripped him down, put him in his seat, and silently let the tears fall.
I called my mom and cried. I called my sister and cried. I cried as I messaged my friend who also teaches at his preschool. Full failure mom panic mode seemed like the only way to go after the terrible first first day of school. Have I ruined his life? Will I have to pull him out of preschool? Am I the worst parent ever? They'll never believe that he is potty trained? Will I have to homeschool him and let him pee outside like an animal? Am I the worst mother ever?
We spent the next day talking up how great the school potty was. Poor Sydney had to go on and on about how much she loved peeing on the potty at school. I promised him candy. My mom promised him candy from her office. I vowed to feed him dry cereal for breakfast from now on.
The second day of school, he peed himself. And the next day. And the next. The first 2 months of school, he peed himself at least once a week and he only has school TWO DAYS a week! Syd and I would wait in the parking lot right before pick up and stalk the play ground. Which pair of pants is he wearing? What color did he wear this morning? Are they the same? I think they are the same. Are they? ARE THEY???
Eventually, I gave up trying to get him to go potty on his own at school and some how got him to pee as soon as we got there if I put him on the potty. There may have been some screaming and some forcing him to bend his angry locked body so he would sit down. Then one glorious day in March, he told his teacher that he had to go potty and that he needed some help. After he was done, he came to the bathroom door with one shoe off and one leg of his pants off and his underwear all wrapped around his pants, but he finally peed in the potty at school!
I think we still owe him about 1,000 toys from all our attempts to bribe him to go;)
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Well, forget about that!
It's that time of year again... Family newsletter time! And crazy as it seems, we actually had an interesting year! This was going to be an honest to goodness family update! Moving! New position at work for Stephen! Exciting Vacations! Kindergarten! Preschool! Fun surprise party for my sister! I went on an epic trip road with my mom and sister to hang out with super awesome people! We traded in the van for a smaller car... I was gonna make a joke about how it was fueled with the tears of our parents because it was a clear sign that we are done having kids! Funny, right??? This all sounds good, so why no letter?? Well, Christmas happened!!
My sister and brother done stole the show! The only thing that will be remembered is Christmas 2015! My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (3 weeks early) on Christmas Eve (also my mom's birthday) and my brother proposed to his girlfriend!
Well, what's the problem? Why the "forget that" attitude. Think about it! My siblings got my parents PEOPLE for Christmas! A new granddaughter and daughter in law!! Do you know what I got my parents? DO. YOU. KNOW?!? A..... wait for it...... SPICE RACK!! Let that simmer for a second! People....... Spice Rack.....PEOPLE.... Spiiiiice Raaack! It super adjustable to fit any cabinet but still can not compete!
And it would be one thing if the evil siblings had just gifted the parents with regular people.... But, NO! They gifted them with extra special people! The new grand baby is gorgeous, just like her siblings. Couldn't have given them a typical newborn with a red, squishy face? Nope! Absolute perfection! Probably should have every moment of her life photographed and I believe they are totally on that already. Snuggling a spice rack just won't give you those warm fuzzy feelings. Baby Kalia is also super smart! She was just chilling in my sister's belly and heard that the Grandy thing was often associated with words like "Yes" and "tic tacs" and "presents" and "backwards dinners!" My genius niece decided that it was in her best interest to arrive early and give her herself a little extra something to earn her Grandy's adoration!
And speaking of brains and beauty, my brother had to pick another extra special female to join our family! She's amazing and fun and loves the beach as much if not even more than our family and we take our beach vacations SERIOUSLY! She literally and figuratively adds a dash of color to our pasty white OBX family photos! The grand kids adore her and we know Grandy and Pop-Pop's world revolve around the grand kids [see above paragraph] But wait! There's more! JEN RIDES AND TRAINS HORSES! As soon as she changes her last name, the family coolness level is going to sky rocket to levels never even dreamed possible!! More perfection! (and she doesn't mind hanging out with all of us!?! how is that possible??)
That spice rack could have been made of GOLD and done all the cooking and still would come no where near the awesomeness of adding these two ladies to the family!! Spice rack! yuck!!( And I mean that kinda literally because I got a nasty case of strep throat for Christmas and was still recovering while I set it up! Flavoring dinner could result in trouble swallowing and sore throat)
What? I need an attitude adjustment? Time out? I should be happy?
TIME OUT! AH-HA Moment! There's still time! I can earn back the number one child spot before New Years!
*buys lottery tickets*
*emails Oprah and Ellen*
*enters "I love Mom butt cheek tattoo designs" into google search*
JUST KIDDING! TOTALLY SUPER EXCITED ABOUT EVERYTHING!! I often struggle with the guilt of being the oldest child who shines so ridiculously bright! It's good to see my siblings getting a little chance to shine:)
PS this is what happens when I am trapped at home and required to rest!
My sister and brother done stole the show! The only thing that will be remembered is Christmas 2015! My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (3 weeks early) on Christmas Eve (also my mom's birthday) and my brother proposed to his girlfriend!
Well, what's the problem? Why the "forget that" attitude. Think about it! My siblings got my parents PEOPLE for Christmas! A new granddaughter and daughter in law!! Do you know what I got my parents? DO. YOU. KNOW?!? A..... wait for it...... SPICE RACK!! Let that simmer for a second! People....... Spice Rack.....PEOPLE.... Spiiiiice Raaack! It super adjustable to fit any cabinet but still can not compete!
And it would be one thing if the evil siblings had just gifted the parents with regular people.... But, NO! They gifted them with extra special people! The new grand baby is gorgeous, just like her siblings. Couldn't have given them a typical newborn with a red, squishy face? Nope! Absolute perfection! Probably should have every moment of her life photographed and I believe they are totally on that already. Snuggling a spice rack just won't give you those warm fuzzy feelings. Baby Kalia is also super smart! She was just chilling in my sister's belly and heard that the Grandy thing was often associated with words like "Yes" and "tic tacs" and "presents" and "backwards dinners!" My genius niece decided that it was in her best interest to arrive early and give her herself a little extra something to earn her Grandy's adoration!
And speaking of brains and beauty, my brother had to pick another extra special female to join our family! She's amazing and fun and loves the beach as much if not even more than our family and we take our beach vacations SERIOUSLY! She literally and figuratively adds a dash of color to our pasty white OBX family photos! The grand kids adore her and we know Grandy and Pop-Pop's world revolve around the grand kids [see above paragraph] But wait! There's more! JEN RIDES AND TRAINS HORSES! As soon as she changes her last name, the family coolness level is going to sky rocket to levels never even dreamed possible!! More perfection! (and she doesn't mind hanging out with all of us!?! how is that possible??)
That spice rack could have been made of GOLD and done all the cooking and still would come no where near the awesomeness of adding these two ladies to the family!! Spice rack! yuck!!( And I mean that kinda literally because I got a nasty case of strep throat for Christmas and was still recovering while I set it up! Flavoring dinner could result in trouble swallowing and sore throat)
What? I need an attitude adjustment? Time out? I should be happy?
TIME OUT! AH-HA Moment! There's still time! I can earn back the number one child spot before New Years!
*buys lottery tickets*
*emails Oprah and Ellen*
*enters "I love Mom butt cheek tattoo designs" into google search*
JUST KIDDING! TOTALLY SUPER EXCITED ABOUT EVERYTHING!! I often struggle with the guilt of being the oldest child who shines so ridiculously bright! It's good to see my siblings getting a little chance to shine:)
PS this is what happens when I am trapped at home and required to rest!
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
That Grandparent Thing
My kids have 4 doting Grandparents who live in the area. They see the kids at least once a week, but each time it's like they spent a month wandering in the desert and the kids are an extra large bottle of water. And Heaven forbid they go longer than a week in between visits, they are a like a bunch of twitching addicts looking for a fix. I think that I have got this whole grandparent thing figured out. This extreme love is from joy of an answered prayer. No, not a loving prayer about their children's future. I'm talking about the Parent's prayer of serenity. That prayer that is said when the kids have you wanting to pull your rapidly greying hair out and you can feel an ulcer forming. You feel like you are about to lose it so you utter:
Lord, give me Strength!
And please let them have a kid who is exactly like them one day!!
I have come to the conclusion that things aren't exactly what they seem in the hospital room when they first lay eyes on that precious bundle of joy! They are definitely giving the baby a once over to see which parts look like their son or daughter.... But there are parts of their exclamations that are left unsaid!
Oh look, he has your eyes! Bet they will never be able to see their backpacks or shoes before school
Her mouth looks just like her mom's! Bring on the back talk
Awwww! Definitely Daddy's ears! Definitely gonna have selective hearing! Bwahahaha!
How did I come up with this theory? I had a whole lot of time to think about it as I spent many, many, many, many, many, many, many hours swimming in the pool with the kids and spent many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many hours trying to calm my nerves after each and every struggle to get my little fish out of the pool. What does that have to do with anything? Well, I was quite the little fish when I was a kid. I was never too cold and could swim for hours. I now get to experience their pain and suffering x2!! I see that smirk on my parents' faces each time the kids beg me to go in the pool and they get to sit back and relax! NOT COOL!
Another "Ah ha, oh crap" moment happened when we took the kids to the boardwalk. I was feeling so nostalgic and super excited for the kids to experience the place that held so many fond memories. It was the WORST! There were people EVERYWHERE and trying to keep track of the kids was super stressful! Then there was all crappy toys that cost a billion dollars and break after a week. To the kids, they are the most amazing toys in the history of amazing toys!! Can we get it, Mom? Please? Please? Why can't we get it? Please!?! It's too expensive? But I want it so much! That awesome mermaid that Sydney got.... It had 2 right arms and broke before vacation was even over! I texted my mom and told her that the boardwalk was not so much fun as an adult. She felt so vindicated because I finally understood all the pain and suffering we put them through at the shore!
They raised us so I guess they deserve the chance to gloat when our kids pull some of the stunts we pulled on them. We just gotta endure until we reach the promised land of no rules, backwards dinners (frozen yogurt store and then dinner), prize drawers, giving in to temptation to buy just one more thing for them, and laughing when you shouldn't because your grandbabies do no wrong!
They raised us so I guess they deserve the chance to gloat when our kids pull some of the stunts we pulled on them. We just gotta endure until we reach the promised land of no rules, backwards dinners (frozen yogurt store and then dinner), prize drawers, giving in to temptation to buy just one more thing for them, and laughing when you shouldn't because your grandbabies do no wrong!
Friday, August 28, 2015
Back to School *cheers* *sobs* *rejoices* *prays for time to slow down*
This is what it's like in my brain during the last week of summer!!
(I know, it's a scary place!)
WILL SUMMER EVER END??
Nooooooooo!!! Summer can't be almost over!
Seriously, each day feels like an eternity! Is time moving backwards? Did somebody hit the pause button?
Seriously, where does the time go? The weeks are flying by!
WE. NEED. A. ROUTINE!
OH NO! Not a routine again! NO! NO! NO!
When will my day come? When will I be able to sit by the pool and read? They will be little forever! How much longer until they can be trusted to apply their own sunblock?
I blinked and my little babies turned into a kindergartner and preschooler! I might as well start planning Sydney's high school graduation party now! She is going to an Elementary school. I am gonna blink again and we will be looking at Colleges! THERE IS NO TIME LEFT! SHE'LL BE MOVING OUT AND I'LL BE LOST! MY BABY! I CAN'T HANDLE IT! STOP GROWING!
But who will stop and count the lobsters with me at the grocery store?
Praise the Lord! I can grocery shop without them! We will starve during Christmas break and next summer because I am never ever going shopping with them again! For real! I can't take it anymore!
I'm so sad! They are going to be so heartbroken when they are apart. They are best friends and need to play with each other!
I can not wait for them to be at separate schools at different times of the day! Way too much togetherness and refereeing fights!
But we have so much left to do!
I am so done entertaining! I don't want to go anywhere else! Playground tour 2015 is wrapping up!!
I can't deal with my babies being away from me. Is it too late to switch to homeschooling so that I...... What are you doing? No hitting! No, I don't care who started it. We don't hit! Nathan, no, we do not lick faces either! Be nice to each other! You need to share. Share! I said SHARE..... wait, what was I doing? Oh that's right! Googling boarding schools in the area!
(I know, it's a scary place!)
WILL SUMMER EVER END??
Nooooooooo!!! Summer can't be almost over!
Seriously, each day feels like an eternity! Is time moving backwards? Did somebody hit the pause button?
Seriously, where does the time go? The weeks are flying by!
WE. NEED. A. ROUTINE!
OH NO! Not a routine again! NO! NO! NO!
When will my day come? When will I be able to sit by the pool and read? They will be little forever! How much longer until they can be trusted to apply their own sunblock?
I blinked and my little babies turned into a kindergartner and preschooler! I might as well start planning Sydney's high school graduation party now! She is going to an Elementary school. I am gonna blink again and we will be looking at Colleges! THERE IS NO TIME LEFT! SHE'LL BE MOVING OUT AND I'LL BE LOST! MY BABY! I CAN'T HANDLE IT! STOP GROWING!
But who will stop and count the lobsters with me at the grocery store?
Praise the Lord! I can grocery shop without them! We will starve during Christmas break and next summer because I am never ever going shopping with them again! For real! I can't take it anymore!
I'm so sad! They are going to be so heartbroken when they are apart. They are best friends and need to play with each other!
I can not wait for them to be at separate schools at different times of the day! Way too much togetherness and refereeing fights!
But we have so much left to do!
I am so done entertaining! I don't want to go anywhere else! Playground tour 2015 is wrapping up!!
I can't deal with my babies being away from me. Is it too late to switch to homeschooling so that I...... What are you doing? No hitting! No, I don't care who started it. We don't hit! Nathan, no, we do not lick faces either! Be nice to each other! You need to share. Share! I said SHARE..... wait, what was I doing? Oh that's right! Googling boarding schools in the area!
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Post Vacation Apocalypse
We got back from vacation last Sunday so that meant all sorts of pain and suffering for Mommy this week! It happens every year and always ends the same. By Friday, Mommy most definitely needs a vacation, but she NEVER EVER wants to get in the car with children again. The only sensible option is to put the TV on for the kids and then hide under the covers while cradling a giant bag of candy in your arms and whisper sweet nothings to it until it's all gone. (and you have licked all the chocolate dust in the corners)
In case you don't have kids or you have older children and have completely blocked all this out, let me explain what vacations means for kids:
ALL THE FUN ALL THE TIME
Bedtime.. What's that?
Mom and Dad 24/7 for entertainment and if you are lucky enough grandparents, aunts, uncles, and/or cousins
Rules about sugar and treats... vaguely remember those
Adventures galore
Sleep is for the weak!Just GO! GO! GO!
And now for the Apocalypse:
NOTHING MEETS THE NEW STANDARDS SET FOR FUN
Exhaustion because they used up their last little bit of energy asking "are we home yet? and saying "It's taking a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time" 1,463 times each
Massive sugar withdraw because when the healthy snacks (used to prevent all the asking) ran out, we resorted to gummy sharks to keep their mouths busy and quiet
The dream team of entertainers has be disbanded and only left with lame old Mom who has the nerve to try and accomplish things like put laundry away instead of play 24/7
Bedtime... It's the worst
Daily routine.... Also the worst!
The only solution to the misery that their lives have become is to cry! There are too many examples to count. I'm so tired! I can find the energy to share a few highlights though.
Stephen went back to work which apparently was a real slap in the face for the kids. How dare he return to work!?! Nathan was grumpy as can be and wouldn't say goodbye. Then 30 seconds later, he cried and cried because Daddy left without doing the high five routine. Stephen heard the crying and came back downstairs and Nathan wouldn't make eye contact or move his hand.Eventually, Stephen had to give up and left. This resulted in Nathan running upstairs,watching Stephen pull away, and then throwing himself on the floor crying. Lucky Me!
A few days ago, Nathan got a cut on his big toe. I don't know what exactly happened after because I walked away for a second, but I think there was a great disagreement over who would put the band aid on. Nathan wanted to be independent and Syd wanted to be the loving older sister. Some how the one end of the band got stuck to itself. I came back to screaming and crying. The world had ended and there was no reason to go on! The frustration level was so great that feet were stomping and arms flailing. They ended up a pile of tears and agony on my lap on the floor in the hallway.
And because Mommy is the worst too, we had to go to the grocery store! How dare I suggest such a terrible, terrible thing!?! Ever the clever one, Sydney remembered that I was working that night and came up with a solution.... I could just go to the grocery store after work. I told her I could but that meant that they would have to wait until the next day to drink more milk because we were out. They lost their minds! How does one decide between the two worst possible situations ever???? Did I know what a cruel person I was? Get in the car and go to the grocery store or live the rest of the day with no milk? What kind of options are those? Being the milk addicts that they are, they settled on going to the grocery store.
As the days went on and we included extra down time, life slowly got back to normal. The emotionally unstable little zombies disappeared and my babies were back. Please don't ask me about any future vacations yet, the eye twitch might come back;)
In case you don't have kids or you have older children and have completely blocked all this out, let me explain what vacations means for kids:
ALL THE FUN ALL THE TIME
Bedtime.. What's that?
Mom and Dad 24/7 for entertainment and if you are lucky enough grandparents, aunts, uncles, and/or cousins
Rules about sugar and treats... vaguely remember those
Adventures galore
Sleep is for the weak!Just GO! GO! GO!
And now for the Apocalypse:
NOTHING MEETS THE NEW STANDARDS SET FOR FUN
Exhaustion because they used up their last little bit of energy asking "are we home yet? and saying "It's taking a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time" 1,463 times each
Massive sugar withdraw because when the healthy snacks (used to prevent all the asking) ran out, we resorted to gummy sharks to keep their mouths busy and quiet
The dream team of entertainers has be disbanded and only left with lame old Mom who has the nerve to try and accomplish things like put laundry away instead of play 24/7
Bedtime... It's the worst
Daily routine.... Also the worst!
The only solution to the misery that their lives have become is to cry! There are too many examples to count. I'm so tired! I can find the energy to share a few highlights though.
Stephen went back to work which apparently was a real slap in the face for the kids. How dare he return to work!?! Nathan was grumpy as can be and wouldn't say goodbye. Then 30 seconds later, he cried and cried because Daddy left without doing the high five routine. Stephen heard the crying and came back downstairs and Nathan wouldn't make eye contact or move his hand.Eventually, Stephen had to give up and left. This resulted in Nathan running upstairs,watching Stephen pull away, and then throwing himself on the floor crying. Lucky Me!
A few days ago, Nathan got a cut on his big toe. I don't know what exactly happened after because I walked away for a second, but I think there was a great disagreement over who would put the band aid on. Nathan wanted to be independent and Syd wanted to be the loving older sister. Some how the one end of the band got stuck to itself. I came back to screaming and crying. The world had ended and there was no reason to go on! The frustration level was so great that feet were stomping and arms flailing. They ended up a pile of tears and agony on my lap on the floor in the hallway.
And because Mommy is the worst too, we had to go to the grocery store! How dare I suggest such a terrible, terrible thing!?! Ever the clever one, Sydney remembered that I was working that night and came up with a solution.... I could just go to the grocery store after work. I told her I could but that meant that they would have to wait until the next day to drink more milk because we were out. They lost their minds! How does one decide between the two worst possible situations ever???? Did I know what a cruel person I was? Get in the car and go to the grocery store or live the rest of the day with no milk? What kind of options are those? Being the milk addicts that they are, they settled on going to the grocery store.
As the days went on and we included extra down time, life slowly got back to normal. The emotionally unstable little zombies disappeared and my babies were back. Please don't ask me about any future vacations yet, the eye twitch might come back;)
Friday, August 7, 2015
The check out gets me every time
Grocery shopping with children is not for the weak. The goal is always to leave with just a little bit of my dignity intact. I think that I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening at the exact moment I win the lottery and I don't even play the lottery.
I never stop chasing the rainbow to get the pot of gold though. First, it's starts with making a list. I don't mean to brag (I really, really do) but I am ridiculously AWESOME at planning a trip to the grocery store! I check the flyer ahead of time. I know all the deals and match them up with all the coupons! I know all the aisles like the back of my hand or the inside of the freezer at 9am when I am eating some ice cream and don't want the kids to know (what? it's kids' bedtime somewhere!) The holy grail of shopping experiences should be within my reach, right? RIGHT????
It begins before we enter the building and I am not even talking about the stuffed animal negotiations. I have accepted that fact that we will always have several stuffed animals with us. I'm talking about cart selection. I always end up with the messed up cart and it behaves it's self until after I get the kids all set and several things in my cart. Then all hell breaks loose and it rattles and shakes. You're trying to go left and the demon possessing it says it can only go straight or right ( and one wheel will spin in the opposite direction at all times!) You must answer one of life's toughest questions... Either unload and start over with a new cart or be that person squeaking all around the store! I always go with squeaking! Better to have everyone staring at me than 2 kids melting down because my time ran out. And there is always a time limit, my friend! The set time might be different for each kid, but if you exceed that time, there will be a horrific transformation before your eyes. Your precious angel will become THAT KID in grocery store (make sure you say "that kid" with the same disgusted look a non parent parenting expert has as they reign judgement down on you!)
After much squeaking and near miss of displays stands, you somehow you make it through the store still holding onto a shred of dignity. You need to reapply deodorant and you probably forgot a few things because you were moving so fast, but hey, that just means you saved some money. Probably feeling a little proud that you made it through with only a couple "come here, please! Come here! Please. Come. Here! GET OVER HERE NOW!" and a few "because I said no!" This is the part where things get real.
If picking the worst lane was an Olympic sport, I'd win the gold medal every time! I weigh my options so carefully! I inventory each conveyor belt. I observe which lanes have baggers. I consider my gut instinct and then think about the opposite choice because my gut I'd always wrong. Then I go with neither of those choices because even the opposite of my gut instinct is wrong. I eventually settle and brace myself because the check out gets me EVERY TIME! I can't list all of the problems, but here are a few that will stay with me forever, no matter how much therapy or banging my head against the steering wheel I try.
Eyelashes 101
I can't remember exactly how old Nathan was, but he was still at the age where he was sitting in the seat in the cart and not in the nifty car part in the front that the Devil had to have designed. The little daredevil figured out how to get his legs out, stand up, and jump towards me as I was pushing the cart. Yeah, I don't know why I don't have a ton of grey hair either! We made it to the check out and were patiently trying to wait. Nathan kept leaping for me because he was DONE! It was taking forever! The cashier was chatting away as she SLOWLY rung up the food of the person in front of me. She was telling the woman all about her fake eyelashes... like discussing every possible detail! Finally, it was our turn and I had to hold my restless toddler and with one hand, grab the food, coupons, and store card. With all the trying to keep Nathan alive, I forgot to grab one of the coupon items. Ms. Eyelashes very slowly explained to me that I should only give them coupons for food that I'm actually buying. It slows the cashiers down when they have to look for things you don't actually have. I gave her a look but those fake eyelashes must have been too thick for her to see... I just sighed and walked away letting her think that I was a complete idiot.
Shiny Objects
Is it just me or do the check out aisles need to be at least a foot wider!?! There is absolutely zero room and it's near impossible to see what your child is doing while sitting in the front. I made the mistake of sitting little Nathan on the right side, where he had easy access to all the candy. He didn't know that it was candy at the time but they sure looked interesting with their shiny wrappers. In the time it took me to take the groceries out of the cart, the kid had 6 candy bars and 2 bags of skittles in his lap, and another bag of skittles dangling from his mouth. I discretely shoved the candy bars back in place with no problem. The little animal managed to open one bag of skittles with his teeth. I had to buy it. I hid it amongst the other groceries, hoping the clerk wouldn't pay attention when she scanned it. I was so close to sneaking out with a little bit of dignity, but I made one fatal mistake, I forgot to wipe up the toddler slobber. I guess I am so used to it that I didn't even notice. She, on the other hand, was NOT! Her face was priceless and my face, oh so apologetic.
Carnival Games
The aisles at this particular grocery store were really small. The cart was parked just past the candy but still away from the end of the aisle. It was perfect! No stealing candy and no exiting the vehicle! Or not! Always willing to raise to the challenge, Nathan figured out how to lean forward and arch his back so he could pop out of the "windshield" part of the car. Every time he popped up, I gently shoved his head back in. This continued the whole time I unloaded the groceries. It was like a really embarrassing game of Whack a Mole where you get pit stains in the end instead of prize tickets!
I could keep going with more examples but this sucker is getting really long and I need to make a list for the grocery store... Maybe this time will be the time it all goes smoothly! HA!
I never stop chasing the rainbow to get the pot of gold though. First, it's starts with making a list. I don't mean to brag (I really, really do) but I am ridiculously AWESOME at planning a trip to the grocery store! I check the flyer ahead of time. I know all the deals and match them up with all the coupons! I know all the aisles like the back of my hand or the inside of the freezer at 9am when I am eating some ice cream and don't want the kids to know (what? it's kids' bedtime somewhere!) The holy grail of shopping experiences should be within my reach, right? RIGHT????
It begins before we enter the building and I am not even talking about the stuffed animal negotiations. I have accepted that fact that we will always have several stuffed animals with us. I'm talking about cart selection. I always end up with the messed up cart and it behaves it's self until after I get the kids all set and several things in my cart. Then all hell breaks loose and it rattles and shakes. You're trying to go left and the demon possessing it says it can only go straight or right ( and one wheel will spin in the opposite direction at all times!) You must answer one of life's toughest questions... Either unload and start over with a new cart or be that person squeaking all around the store! I always go with squeaking! Better to have everyone staring at me than 2 kids melting down because my time ran out. And there is always a time limit, my friend! The set time might be different for each kid, but if you exceed that time, there will be a horrific transformation before your eyes. Your precious angel will become THAT KID in grocery store (make sure you say "that kid" with the same disgusted look a non parent parenting expert has as they reign judgement down on you!)
After much squeaking and near miss of displays stands, you somehow you make it through the store still holding onto a shred of dignity. You need to reapply deodorant and you probably forgot a few things because you were moving so fast, but hey, that just means you saved some money. Probably feeling a little proud that you made it through with only a couple "come here, please! Come here! Please. Come. Here! GET OVER HERE NOW!" and a few "because I said no!" This is the part where things get real.
If picking the worst lane was an Olympic sport, I'd win the gold medal every time! I weigh my options so carefully! I inventory each conveyor belt. I observe which lanes have baggers. I consider my gut instinct and then think about the opposite choice because my gut I'd always wrong. Then I go with neither of those choices because even the opposite of my gut instinct is wrong. I eventually settle and brace myself because the check out gets me EVERY TIME! I can't list all of the problems, but here are a few that will stay with me forever, no matter how much therapy or banging my head against the steering wheel I try.
Eyelashes 101
I can't remember exactly how old Nathan was, but he was still at the age where he was sitting in the seat in the cart and not in the nifty car part in the front that the Devil had to have designed. The little daredevil figured out how to get his legs out, stand up, and jump towards me as I was pushing the cart. Yeah, I don't know why I don't have a ton of grey hair either! We made it to the check out and were patiently trying to wait. Nathan kept leaping for me because he was DONE! It was taking forever! The cashier was chatting away as she SLOWLY rung up the food of the person in front of me. She was telling the woman all about her fake eyelashes... like discussing every possible detail! Finally, it was our turn and I had to hold my restless toddler and with one hand, grab the food, coupons, and store card. With all the trying to keep Nathan alive, I forgot to grab one of the coupon items. Ms. Eyelashes very slowly explained to me that I should only give them coupons for food that I'm actually buying. It slows the cashiers down when they have to look for things you don't actually have. I gave her a look but those fake eyelashes must have been too thick for her to see... I just sighed and walked away letting her think that I was a complete idiot.
Shiny Objects
Is it just me or do the check out aisles need to be at least a foot wider!?! There is absolutely zero room and it's near impossible to see what your child is doing while sitting in the front. I made the mistake of sitting little Nathan on the right side, where he had easy access to all the candy. He didn't know that it was candy at the time but they sure looked interesting with their shiny wrappers. In the time it took me to take the groceries out of the cart, the kid had 6 candy bars and 2 bags of skittles in his lap, and another bag of skittles dangling from his mouth. I discretely shoved the candy bars back in place with no problem. The little animal managed to open one bag of skittles with his teeth. I had to buy it. I hid it amongst the other groceries, hoping the clerk wouldn't pay attention when she scanned it. I was so close to sneaking out with a little bit of dignity, but I made one fatal mistake, I forgot to wipe up the toddler slobber. I guess I am so used to it that I didn't even notice. She, on the other hand, was NOT! Her face was priceless and my face, oh so apologetic.
Carnival Games
The aisles at this particular grocery store were really small. The cart was parked just past the candy but still away from the end of the aisle. It was perfect! No stealing candy and no exiting the vehicle! Or not! Always willing to raise to the challenge, Nathan figured out how to lean forward and arch his back so he could pop out of the "windshield" part of the car. Every time he popped up, I gently shoved his head back in. This continued the whole time I unloaded the groceries. It was like a really embarrassing game of Whack a Mole where you get pit stains in the end instead of prize tickets!
I could keep going with more examples but this sucker is getting really long and I need to make a list for the grocery store... Maybe this time will be the time it all goes smoothly! HA!
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Dear Nathan
Dear Nathan,
I just ate your candy and I'm not even sorry at all! You made me do it! We just had that conversation AGAIN! It happens about every other day and it always goes something like this:
Nathan: Do yous got a baby in your belly?
Me: No, only Aunt Kristen and Kerri have babies in their bellies
Nathan: You DO have a baby in your belly
Me: No, I don't
Nathan: You wook like you dos! See? *points at my stomach*
Me: *puts down the brownie*
*stares at workout clothes*
* picks up the brownie*
*puts down the brownie*
* contemplates buying 21 day fix extreme*
* eats two brownies*
And yes, Mommy knows that you are just obsessed because you have a new cousin on the way and your best buddy is going to be a big brother. I could probably have six pack abs (and pigs would fly) and you would still ask me, but dude, in the words of Sydney, SERIOUSLY!?!
You are probably thinking that all of the above does not seem like reason enough to steal your candy, and you are right. That was just the icing on the cake. Oh wait, I shouldn't use that saying! It's too gross! Here is a little story that I will sharing at your wedding:
It was just a typical summer afternoon and you and your sister wanted to swim. We ran out of swim diapers, but you are supposed to be potty trained for preschool so I thought we would be fine. Everyone tells me that letting you pee outside is the key to training boys ( I should probably find all of them and steal their candy too!) I told you not to pee in the pool and to pee in the grass. (Yes, just like Uncle DJ's dog.) We went outside and you took off your bathing suit and started running around. You do that a lot so I wasn't worried. Then you proudly announced that you pooped outside like a dog. YOU POOPED OUTSIDE LIKE A DOG! But clearly not a well behaved dog because you pooped on the patio! I.... did you....how come..... WHYYYYYY???? What goes on in that little brain of yours? Even as I type this, you found a boogie on your cheek and put it on my cheek! Again, WHHHHHYYYYYYY???
All that's left to say is I love you, my strange little man. I CAN NOT wait until you have children! I will buy you a candy of the month club subscription because you are definitely gonna need it!!
love,
your mommy who must go sanitize her cheek... thanks again for that gift!
I just ate your candy and I'm not even sorry at all! You made me do it! We just had that conversation AGAIN! It happens about every other day and it always goes something like this:
Nathan: Do yous got a baby in your belly?
Me: No, only Aunt Kristen and Kerri have babies in their bellies
Nathan: You DO have a baby in your belly
Me: No, I don't
Nathan: You wook like you dos! See? *points at my stomach*
Me: *puts down the brownie*
*stares at workout clothes*
* picks up the brownie*
*puts down the brownie*
* contemplates buying 21 day fix extreme*
* eats two brownies*
And yes, Mommy knows that you are just obsessed because you have a new cousin on the way and your best buddy is going to be a big brother. I could probably have six pack abs (and pigs would fly) and you would still ask me, but dude, in the words of Sydney, SERIOUSLY!?!
You are probably thinking that all of the above does not seem like reason enough to steal your candy, and you are right. That was just the icing on the cake. Oh wait, I shouldn't use that saying! It's too gross! Here is a little story that I will sharing at your wedding:
It was just a typical summer afternoon and you and your sister wanted to swim. We ran out of swim diapers, but you are supposed to be potty trained for preschool so I thought we would be fine. Everyone tells me that letting you pee outside is the key to training boys ( I should probably find all of them and steal their candy too!) I told you not to pee in the pool and to pee in the grass. (Yes, just like Uncle DJ's dog.) We went outside and you took off your bathing suit and started running around. You do that a lot so I wasn't worried. Then you proudly announced that you pooped outside like a dog. YOU POOPED OUTSIDE LIKE A DOG! But clearly not a well behaved dog because you pooped on the patio! I.... did you....how come..... WHYYYYYY???? What goes on in that little brain of yours? Even as I type this, you found a boogie on your cheek and put it on my cheek! Again, WHHHHHYYYYYYY???
All that's left to say is I love you, my strange little man. I CAN NOT wait until you have children! I will buy you a candy of the month club subscription because you are definitely gonna need it!!
love,
your mommy who must go sanitize her cheek... thanks again for that gift!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
If cleanliness is next to Godliness.....
If cleanliness is suppose be next to Godliness, then why does cleaning the house always make me want to shout words that most definitely would not please the Lord???? I am not a fan of cleaning. I hate it! I. HATE. IT.
After Syd was born, several older, extremely wise moms said not to worry about having a perfectly clean house. The kids will only be this little for so long. You'll have plenty of time to clean and keep a perfect house when they grow up. Just focus on enjoying them.
Well, that was the best darn advice that I had ever heard! If I weren't so afraid of needles, I'd get it tattooed on myself. If someone wrote a song about it, I would make it the theme song of my life. If I had to write it on a cake, it would be glorious chocolate cake with layers and layers of buttercream and chocolate ganache and I would ignore the flour spilled on the floor while I made it. Who cares about a little flour, I'm too busy enjoying my babies. Well yeah, it's nap time so maybe I might have had time, but just be quiet! I can enjoy them from the couch as they sleep.
As you can tell (sorry about the dramatics), I fully embraced it and it was working real well for me until........ *takes deep breath* A couple of months of ago we decided that we were going to put our house on the market. Every mom with small kids who just read this made the same face guys do when they see another guy get hit in the nuts on America's Funniest Home Videos. Yes, it really is THAT painful.
I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I...... almost lost the will to live when I looked up saw the ceiling fans. Pretty sure that the last time I dusted them was when I was 9 months pregnant with Nathan and totally in the nesting phase. I know! How could I forget about them for so long especially since I have spent so much time looking up toward Heaven, praying for some sleep since that crazy kids was born!?! Well, the best explanation that I can come up with is that things don't look so bad when you never clean your glasses.
After lots of blood, sweat, tears, Clorox wipes, screaming and gnashing of teeth, more sweat, not so nice words, maniacal laughter, and unnecessarily violent threats involving thing that aren't even physically possible, the house was finally CLEAN and not just my kind of clean, but CLEAN! I sat down and rejoiced as I admired my sparkly new kingdom. I conquered that dirty mountain! I started thinking about all the possibilities for my free time now that I was one of those moms.... I could have people over without needing excuses. My brain was receiving pure, dust free oxygen, I could probably master those things on Pinterest instead of having epic fails. Life was truly amazing for, I don't know, 20 minutes.
And then I discovered something truly awful! Clothes were still getting dirty! Crumbs were sticking to my feet as I walked across the hardwood floors. The sink was filling up with dirty dishes every time I turned around. The house was getting dirty AGAIN!! It never ends! It doesn't matter how hard you work, something will always need to be done. It feels like you are a gerbil running on a wheel and getting nowhere.(The wheel is probably made of stainless steel too and you are smudging the crap outta it so grab some special spray and microfiber towel!!)
Let's take a second to address the added bonus of having small children.Those bleepin stuffed animals must sneak in their friends late at night because the pile on the couch always came back and also bigger than ever. Oh and I now feel like I am overly qualified for a job in a parade or circus, following behind the animals and scooping up poop. Maybe I should get into that but I should look into some anger management course. Probably should try to squeeze in some brownie detox therapy first! Don't judge me! Brownies are the only way to survive!!
Thank goodness the Lord never gives you more than you can handle. Apparently, I can't handle very much! I only have to deal with one showing. We got an offer right away. There was much rejoicing! We could go back to living in filth. Mama seriously needed to hop off that lemon scented train to Crazytown. I live close enough to it as it is!
So umm hey, speaking of crazy, I guess that I kinda forgot to tell a lot of people that we moved! Congratulations, my loyal friend! You suffered through my ramblings and got to the important news. The rest of them are gonna feel real stupid when they show up for a play date at the wrong house!
After Syd was born, several older, extremely wise moms said not to worry about having a perfectly clean house. The kids will only be this little for so long. You'll have plenty of time to clean and keep a perfect house when they grow up. Just focus on enjoying them.
Well, that was the best darn advice that I had ever heard! If I weren't so afraid of needles, I'd get it tattooed on myself. If someone wrote a song about it, I would make it the theme song of my life. If I had to write it on a cake, it would be glorious chocolate cake with layers and layers of buttercream and chocolate ganache and I would ignore the flour spilled on the floor while I made it. Who cares about a little flour, I'm too busy enjoying my babies. Well yeah, it's nap time so maybe I might have had time, but just be quiet! I can enjoy them from the couch as they sleep.
As you can tell (sorry about the dramatics), I fully embraced it and it was working real well for me until........ *takes deep breath* A couple of months of ago we decided that we were going to put our house on the market. Every mom with small kids who just read this made the same face guys do when they see another guy get hit in the nuts on America's Funniest Home Videos. Yes, it really is THAT painful.
I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned and I...... almost lost the will to live when I looked up saw the ceiling fans. Pretty sure that the last time I dusted them was when I was 9 months pregnant with Nathan and totally in the nesting phase. I know! How could I forget about them for so long especially since I have spent so much time looking up toward Heaven, praying for some sleep since that crazy kids was born!?! Well, the best explanation that I can come up with is that things don't look so bad when you never clean your glasses.
After lots of blood, sweat, tears, Clorox wipes, screaming and gnashing of teeth, more sweat, not so nice words, maniacal laughter, and unnecessarily violent threats involving thing that aren't even physically possible, the house was finally CLEAN and not just my kind of clean, but CLEAN! I sat down and rejoiced as I admired my sparkly new kingdom. I conquered that dirty mountain! I started thinking about all the possibilities for my free time now that I was one of those moms.... I could have people over without needing excuses. My brain was receiving pure, dust free oxygen, I could probably master those things on Pinterest instead of having epic fails. Life was truly amazing for, I don't know, 20 minutes.
And then I discovered something truly awful! Clothes were still getting dirty! Crumbs were sticking to my feet as I walked across the hardwood floors. The sink was filling up with dirty dishes every time I turned around. The house was getting dirty AGAIN!! It never ends! It doesn't matter how hard you work, something will always need to be done. It feels like you are a gerbil running on a wheel and getting nowhere.(The wheel is probably made of stainless steel too and you are smudging the crap outta it so grab some special spray and microfiber towel!!)
Let's take a second to address the added bonus of having small children.Those bleepin stuffed animals must sneak in their friends late at night because the pile on the couch always came back and also bigger than ever. Oh and I now feel like I am overly qualified for a job in a parade or circus, following behind the animals and scooping up poop. Maybe I should get into that but I should look into some anger management course. Probably should try to squeeze in some brownie detox therapy first! Don't judge me! Brownies are the only way to survive!!
Thank goodness the Lord never gives you more than you can handle. Apparently, I can't handle very much! I only have to deal with one showing. We got an offer right away. There was much rejoicing! We could go back to living in filth. Mama seriously needed to hop off that lemon scented train to Crazytown. I live close enough to it as it is!
So umm hey, speaking of crazy, I guess that I kinda forgot to tell a lot of people that we moved! Congratulations, my loyal friend! You suffered through my ramblings and got to the important news. The rest of them are gonna feel real stupid when they show up for a play date at the wrong house!
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