Breastfeeding: A Look Back part 1

 I'm not an expert at anything (well, maybe an expert at not being an expert) and I don't have any sage advice or wisdom to bestow upon you. I just figured that maybe if I share my experiences then another new mom may be saved from freaking out and feeling like a failure. So here we go! This is your TMI warning. Read at your own risk :)

   Before I had Sydney, I read a couple of books and articles about Breastfeeding.  I learned that it's the most natural thing in the world. You will grow super human babies. You will love it and you will bond and it will be magical.  Yes, there are things that go wrong, but you will just read the FAQ section in the back and it will be okay.  Other Moms said it was challenging at first, but not many people give full disclosure of struggles.  I was totally caught off guard by how not perfect it all was!

 Moms to be, don't freak out! For some moms the milk will overflowth, the baby latches instantly, the birds sing, and all will be right with the world. This is just a "see, you're okay if things aren't perfect. You are not alone" speech!

   Right after I had Sydney, she seemed to latch pretty well. I thought we were okay, but things got progressively worse. I couldn't get her to latch AT ALL! I struggled to hold her right. I asked the nurses for help. The first nurse was amazing, but her shift changed :(  Let me tell you there are so many nurses at that hospital that owe me coffee, maybe movie, or even dinner. I've never felt so fondled!  I'm pretty sure I should have demanded expensive jewelry from one particular aggressive "helpful" nurse! Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. I was getting real worked up. Saturday afternoon birth was super convenient for the family, but the lactation consultant was gone for the day and wouldn't be back til Monday!! Everyone kept saying a nipple shield would help, but they were completely out (story of my life!)  Monday morning I was a mess! I had the pushiest nurse ever. I was tired and, you know, had just given birth so I was rather weepy! She was convinced that I didn't have enough support and should do formula. I'm sobbing because I can't make you go away, lady! BRING. ME. THE. LACTATION. CONSULTANT!!  Syd's doctor came in and nurse evil left.  I must have looked so pathetic and fragile, that he was offering to give me his wife's number so I could call her for help!  But the consultant eventually arrived, and we worked as a team to get Syd latched.  She gave me some tips and sent me home with instructions to send someone out for a shield and to trying pumping for a minute before I fed Syd.
    We came home and my dad and Stephen were sent to Babies 'R' Us while my mom and I tried to figure out the mysterious pump contraption.  Oh my goodness, my dad kept calling them "nipple extenders" instead of nipple shields. These poor guys had to search the store for them. THEY COME IN DIFFERENT SIZES! Let that simmer for a second. That right there, is love! Standing in the Breastfeeding section with your father in law, trying to figure out what size would fit your wife!!! They return from the most awkward guy bonding session and I tried it out. Let's just say, if you call me in the middle of the night to say you are having trouble and the hospital is out of them, I will go break into a store for you!
    Things got a bit better, but feeding her was still awkward. I needed another hand to get everything situated. It felt like every other mom was a super mom, holding the super latched baby and walking around folding laundry, making lunch, and saving kittens from trees. I couldn't even get comfortable in the rocking chair in the nursing room in the nursery. I dreaded Church if she had to eat. One day I was so frustrated and could not do the rocker and couldn't work the nursing cover. My mom stood guard while the girls were totally exposed in the far side entrance of Church. I cried and cried as I fed her. I felt just like a failure.  The books told/warned me to wean her off the shield as quickly as possible because of supply or trouble bonding, I can't remember exactly why.  Sydney did not care what the books said!  She screamed and screamed! If she doesn't want to do something, look out! 
   One day, my mom was talking to a cousin about grandbabies. Some how they got talking about breastfeeding ( yes, your boobs are up for discussion when you have kids) and the cousin mentioned how her daughter in law (the most wonderful woman in the world) had similar problems. I started emailing back and forth between my new hero and suddenly I felt so much better. I did have super supportive friends who helped SO MUCH, but there is just something so comforting about knowing someone who lived through the battle your going through! Syd and I continued to have goods days and bad days, but I could handle them better.  One day, around 6 or 7 months, little miss stubborn was done eating and decided to give it a go without a shield and practiced repeatedly while I sat there dumbfounded!  Breastfeeding got so much easier.  While it didn't always feel like this amazing, bonding, nurturing experience, I was glad I did it.  Sometimes my stubbornness and cheapness were the only things that kept me going.

  Now, wait a minute! Don't start thinking that this is a campaign to stick with it no matter what! This is just my story! I love to cheer on and support new breastfeeders, but I support my friends and family who decide not to breastfeed or to stop 110%!  Sometimes things don't work out. There are many reasons such as supply tanking no matter how much gross tea you drink, inability to latch, working full time, extreme pain, little shark babies with sharp teeth, medicines mom needs, or maybe your baby decides there is too much to see in the world and can't spend another minute stuck staring at boobs. Breastmilk is AWESOME, but a happy, healthy mom is more important!!  You are the center of their universe! Your mental/emotional health makes a difference. You and your body did not fail your baby! You are more than a set of boobs! You have the most perfect lap for comforting. You might not have made enough milk, but maybe you used your hands to make home made organic baby food or delicious meals.  I have no experience with this, but others have beautiful voices to sooth and sing to sleep.  Maybe you have a super brain and can teach your baby so many things! Maybe you have strong legs to run around and teach your child to be athletic and not picked last at gym class.  A creative brain comes in handy for the best stories and playtime. Can't forget the energizer bodies that work full time to support their babies and help with that bazillion dollar college bill!  (Wow, this is why my body always rallied when my supply dipped, it knew I didn't have much else to offer!)
   Don't feel guilty about formula either! I've seen what those books say.... oh those bleepin books.... they can be a help but also leave you crying and rocking in a corner.  After reading the books, I was like "oh that must be why I was hardly ever get sick, or had allergies, or was smart when I was younger." Well, guess what! One day, I heard my mom talking to a friend and she told her she only breast fed my sister and I for 3 months each. MIND BLOWN!  I had formula as a baby! I turned out fine.... well, a little nutty but that's not formula's fault! While breast milk is this crazy amazing stuff, giving them formula is also feeding them well!  Don't let the pro breast feeding books make you feel like giving formula is equal to letting your baby guzzle gallons of  Hawaiian punch!

Okay, getting off my soap box now! I hopped up there kinda accidentally! You are probably never going to look at me ever again. Let's end this now! At some point, when I recover from this boob tell all, I will write about the opposite extreme.... the happy latch who doesn't want a bottle! 

Stupid things I said/thought about Vacation

I am going to eat HEALTHY on vacation

We have the DVD players, the kids won't start whining for a while

We left at 6am

Swimming in the pool will be so easy. Both kids have their Puddle jumpers

Big girls swim on their own! We choose now to be brave??

 I WILL exercise on Vacation

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Hey, we will just wear them out by swimming and playing all day. We will have no trouble getting them to fall asleep and stay asleep

Okay, I will just lay with you on my bed for an hr till you fall asleep

Now, how do we get him in his spot

I'm not going to cut my hair until after vacation because it will look crazy if it's not pulled up after I swim

 

Oh, let's see the dinosaur exhibit at the aquarium! Kids will love it

"Mommy, HOLD ME!"

Hey, let's take a picture of all the kids together by the frog

The kids aren't falling asleep quickly and keep staying up late. They will definitely sleep in

Sunrise, we meet again old friend

 Let's get frozen yogurt and load it up with stuff right (before bedtime on the last day)

I now call this the pre sugar high photo

Fro Yo hangover for the ride home

He has worn himself out screaming, He will sleep for a while

20 minutes later

And now something smart that I said........

Here is a lollipop

Here is ANOTHER lollipop

Sydney: Best shopping partner ever

  Vacation is less than 2 weeks away, so I had to go shopping.  I hate shopping alone so I convinced Syd to come with me.  It was quite the experience! Mom, get the shirt with giraffes! Mom, get this shirt it matches my shirt ( ugliest shirt I've ever seen!) Mom, get this bathing suit! ( Hot pink and orange bikini.The world is not ready for that! Yikes) Hey mom, let's go over here. Look at all the jewelry. I don't really have anything [ smiles sweetly and bats her eyes] and I REALLY like bracelets.  The best part was her in the dressing room with me. Here are a few quotes.  I can't imagine what the other people in there thought!

" AHH! You're naked! I wasn't expecting that" I WAS NOT REALLY NAKED FOR THE RECORD!

"Oh mom, that's just brilliant. You picked out a good one"

"What? It's too tight. I don't like tight things.NEVER. GET. TIGHT. THINGS"

"Turn around, let me see your butt. Yup, I don't like them either. They make your butt look funny"

"Oh I like those. The pockets are on a good spot on your butt"

"Can we come here everyday? I really like this seat"

"Mom, not everyone wears bras.  The old ones don't.  You know, the old ones in Heaven. They don't wear them, right? I guess we will see when we are old and die!"


And then she picked out a shirt for me and talked me into buying it;)

"That is the most beautiful shirt ever. Can I have it when I'm big?"